


In Times of War

by Kalliria



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Sexual Assault, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Happy Ending, Hospitals, I promise, Mentions of Cancer, Non-Graphic Smut, Reader-Insert, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-05 09:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12187347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalliria/pseuds/Kalliria
Summary: Steve and Y/N embark on a dangerous mission to figure out the truth behind Insight Corporation and its CEO, Alexander Pierce. But pretending that you’re in love when you actually can’t stand each other will prove to be a difficult challenge.





	1. Chapter 1

There was a dead man on his sofa. Alexander Pierce stopped on the threshold of his living room, a steaming cup of coffee in his hands. He had woken up not ten minutes ago and he still had pillow creases on his aging face, complete with mussed hair and stale breath.

‘What happened?’ he asked the empty room.

Rumlow, his hands red with blood, stepped out of the shadows and glanced at the cadaver the way a man glanced at trash littering the streets.

‘Caught him sneakin’ into the garden,’ Rumlow explained, his deep voice rumbling like thunder in the quiet house. ‘He pulled a gun at me. I shot first.’

Alexander sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter. He could see the body better from there, although that had not been his intention. There was a single hole the size of a fist in the man’s chest. The flesh was torn, the white of the bone visible even from where he was standing. Alexander’s eyes slid from the body to the white carpet underneath that was now crimson with blood. He didn’t dare think about the state of his sofa. He sighed, again. It would cost him a small fortune to clean everything up.

‘I suppose you couldn’t have taken the body elsewhere than my living room?’

‘Ain’t nothing like that written in my contract.’

There were days when Alexander hated Rumlow, his cruelty, his lust for blood. He craved more from the people around him. Intelligence, ambition, wit! Good manners would have been pleasant as well. But Rumlow was the best bodyguard he’d ever seen, and as long as Alexander needed him, he would have to make those sacrifices.

Still. His poor carpet.

‘At what time is my first meeting?’ he asked, forgetting about his mistreated furniture.

‘I ain’t your damn secretary. Sir.’

Alexander took a deep breath, the beginning of a headache pounding at his temples. He would have to speak with Miss Johnson soon. The departure of his former personal assistant had come at the worst possible time.

‘I’m going to take a shower,’ he said to Rumlow, looking at the other man with hard eyes. ‘When I come back, that body better be gone or you’ll find yourself without a job.’

Rumlow rolled his eyes, but Alexander had no doubt he would obey. He would curse him in his head the whole time, but Rumlow knew better than to defy his direct orders. He had tried, once, years ago. It had not ended well for him.

Alexander entered the bathroom and scowled at his reflection. He did not recognize himself. Who was that pale, sickly old man? How could he have aged so much? He remembered better times, where he could climb stairs without running out of breath and make love to a woman without popping a damn pill first.

Time was a cruel mistress, and it seemed Alexander had angered her.

He coughed, droplets of blood splattering the mirror. His reflection stared back at him, the blood stains on the glass like crimson snowflakes. His eyes dropped to the counter, where his medicine was waiting, the pills lined up like good little soldiers. Off to fight the big bad cancer that ravaged his lungs.

How ironic. He had spent his entire life well away from drugs, cigarettes and alcohol, had exercised dutifully three times a week and had always made sure to eat healthily. And yet, here he was. Dying.  What good had his precautions been?

Alexander was angry. At his doctors, at his cancer, but mostly at himself. At how weak he was. He was going to die soon, there was no avoiding that. Countless doctors had tried to cure him, and countless doctors had failed. No, Alexander didn’t hope for a miracle. All he wanted was to finish his work.

Ah, his work. The only thing in his life that made sense. At night, as he laid in bed, he saw a world where people lived in peace. Where children could grow up without the threats of terrorists over their heads. A world without bombs, guns and dead bodies lining the streets.

If he had to die, then so be it. But he would be damned if he didn’t accomplish his vision first.

His phone rang suddenly and he jumped, his toothbrush clattering to the floor. Cursing, he walked back to his bedroom and ripped his phone off the charging cord, pressing answer.

‘What?’ he barked.

‘Sir,’ Dr. Arnim Zola said on the other side of the line, his voice trembling with excitement. ‘The algorithm. It’s ready.’

Alexander Pierce smiled. A new era had just begun.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve ducked, evading Bucky’s fist by a mere inch. Spinning out of reach, he threw a kick at his best friend. The other man grunted as it landed in his ribs. With a scowl, Bucky threw himself at Steve and tackled him to the floor.

‘Alright, I give up,’ Steve laughed after realizing he couldn’t break out of Bucky’s hold.

They both stood, dusting off their pants and breathing heavily.

‘You don’t fight fair,’ Steve complained.

‘And you fight like a damn ballerina,’ Bucky shot back.

Steve grinned. His fighting style was famous among S.H.I.E.L.D. agents for being effective, as well as ridiculously extra. But as long as he could defeat his enemies, Steve didn’t care about how it looked. Bucky, as always, enjoyed making fun of him for it.

The men dragged themselves to a nearby bench and collapsed on it, emptying their water bottles in a matter of seconds.

‘When do you leave?’ Bucky asked, leaning his head against the wall.

‘Tonight, if all goes well. Natasha’s finishing up a mission right now. We’ll go as soon as she’s back.’

‘Any idea how long you’ll be gone?’

‘None. Might be days. Might be months.’

Bucky hummed, his body tense. Steve didn’t have to ask what was bothering him. He knew. Bucky and he had been friends for nearly twenty years, ever since they’d met on the playground of their school in 1998. Bucky had been fifteen-years-old, Steve only a year younger. Their friendship had been instantaneous, and they’d never left each other since.

Bucky had followed Steve into S.H.I.E.L.D., the both of them being noticed right away for their quick-thinking and skills in combat. They rose through the ranks together, fought together, even lived together. Bucky wasn’t Steve’s friend. He was his brother.

And, like brothers, they tended to worry about the other. Especially when one of them was leaving on a mysterious mission, God knows where, for God knows how long.

‘Thank fuck Nat’s going with you,’ Bucky said. ‘If someone’s capable of keeping your dumb ass alive, it’s her.’

‘Jerk. Who says I won’t be the one saving her?’

Bucky gave him a flat look, and Steve sighed. His friend was right, as much as he hated to admit it. He did tend to be impulsive and reckless, and had gotten hurt a good number of times because of it. But if it meant protecting his country? It was worth it.

Steve’s phone beeped. He fished it out of his bag and grimaced when he saw a message from Nicholas Fury, summoning him to his office.

‘Duty calls,’ he told Bucky. ‘Sorry, pal, I’m gonna have to cut this short.’

He rose, Bucky following suit. They hugged, clapping each other’s backs harder than necessary. Pulling away, Bucky grinned.

‘Try not to screw up. Alright, punk?’

Steve rolled his eyes, but nodded firmly. He left the gym, looking back one last time and waving at his best friend. He ran back to his room and showered as fast as he could before going up to Fury’s office. He made it on time, barely, but from the look on Fury’s face, he could have just as well been two hours late.

‘Agent Rogers,’ Fury began. ‘About damn time. Take a seat.’

Steve obeyed. Something was wrong, he could feel it in his guts. The anger on Fury’s face wasn’t a good sign either. As always, the director of S.H.I.E.L.D. cut right to the chase.

‘Romanoff’s been shot,’ he said and held up a hand when Steve opened his mouth. ‘She’s fine, but Banner insists on giving her a week off.’

‘Is the mission delayed?’ Steve asked with a frown.

‘Can’t afford that. Romanoff will be replaced by another agent.’

There weren’t many female agents at S.H.I.E.L.D., and Steve wondered which one of them would be chosen. Maria Hill had been gone for months on some secret mission. May had withdrawn from combat duty, and Sharon was far too busy with the C.I.A. That left only…

But no. Surely, Fury wouldn’t pick  _her._

There was a knock on the door, and Fury stood up.

‘Speaking of the wolf,’ he muttered as he opened the door. ‘Agent Y/L/N, welcome.’

Steve had to bite off a groan. Y/N Y/L/N had been the bane of his existence ever since she’d begun working at S.H.I.E.L.D. He could still remember the smirk on her face as she knocked him flat on his back on her first day of training. He would have been impressed, if she hadn’t managed that by  _tying his shoelaces together_. Despite being sensibly the same age as him, Y/N had proven to be immature, reckless and frankly, annoying. Steve couldn’t have imagined a worst partner for that mission.

‘Rogers,’ she said when she saw him. ‘Boy, am I happy to see you.’

He didn’t dignify her sarcasm with an answer and instead focused on Fury. Y/N sat down on the chair next to him, crossing her legs.

‘Not that I don’t enjoy your company, fellas, but what exactly am I doing here?’ she asked. ‘I’m supposed to leave for France in an hour.’

‘I pulled you off the case,’ Fury replied. ‘Don’t argue, Y/L/N, it’s done. I need you in D.C.’

She didn’t look pleased, but even she knew when to give up.

‘What’s in D.C.?’ she asked instead.

Fury pulled a remote control off a drawer and clicked on a button. The screen behind him lit up, the picture of a skyscraper appearing on it. The building was modern, top-of-the-line.

‘Insight Corporation,’ Fury began. ‘The company was created twenty-seven-years ago by Alexander Pierce.’

He clicked on another button and the picture of a man appeared next to the skyscraper. He was white, in his eighties, blond with blue eyes. The photograph showed him standing in front of the White House, shaking hands with President Callaghan.

‘Pierce’s company is the leader of clean energy worldwide. The man has been offered a Nobel peace prize about ten years ago. He refused it, claiming that peace wasn’t an accomplishment but a responsibility. He also finances many humanitarian organizations.’

‘Sounds like a nice guy,’ Y/N said. ‘Why is S.H.I.E.L.D. investigating him?’

‘Because I knew Alexander Pierce. We used to work together, and the man was obsessed with fighting terrorism. He wanted to eradicate it, but the measures he proposed were drastic: immigration reforms, bomb strikes against the Middle-East, constant surveillance on every American citizen… He left S.H.I.E.L.D. after his measures where refused, furious. And now, I’m supposed to believe he works in  _renewable energy_?’

To Steve, it sounded as if the whole thing was based on Fury’s distrust. He had seen Pierce on TV a good number of times, and the man seemed as clean as can be.

‘I sure hope you have more going on than “that guy is sketchy,” Y/N said and Steve winced at her lack of tact.

Fury glared at her, but Y/N held his eyes, unimpressed.

‘Yes, I have,’ Fury replied. ‘Maria Hill is under cover within Insight, as their head of HR. She’s been hearing whispers of a new project, something that will “change the world.” According to her, Pierce has been more and more anxious lately. He is surrounded by bodyguards and often disappears for days at a time without any explanation. There has also been a sharp rise in racist and misogynistic incidents within the company. It’s not much, but it’s worth investigating.’

‘And that’s where we come in?’ Steve asked.

‘Yes. You will both work undercover for Insight Corporation. Y/L/N, as Pierce’s personal assistant. Rogers will be hired as a bodyguard.’

Y/N frowned, clearly sceptic of the plan. And Steve had to admit he was distrustful as well.

‘We would be working directly with Pierce himself,’ Steve said. ‘Two people, appearing from nowhere and getting hired at the same time? They’ll figure out something’s wrong immediately.’

‘They would, if you pretended not to know each other.’

‘So what are we supposed to be?’ Y/N asked. ‘Friends? Brother and sister?’

‘Spouses.’

Y/N’s eyes widened and she took one look at Steve’s dismayed face before bursting into laughter. Fury waited for her to calm down, glaring.

‘Are you done?’

‘Husband and wife?’ she scoffed. ‘Yeah, like that’s gonna work. I don’t know if you noticed, Nick, but Rogers kind of hates my guts.’

‘Rogers is a professional, who will learn to put his personal feelings aside for the benefit of the mission. Correct, Agent?’

Steve nodded firmly, but in his mind, he was stabbing Y/N repeatedly. And Steve, deep down, was a pacifist. It took a lot for him to hate someone, but boy, Y/N was definitely there and beyond.

‘As for you, Y/L/N, I will not have you screwing up this mission. You will behave as an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Is that understood?’

‘Yes, sir,’ she agreed.

‘The both of you will leave tonight for Washington D.C. Accommodations have been made, as well as new identities. Wilson is your liaison for this mission, as well as your support. It is of the utmost importance that you find out what Insight Corp. is planning, and fast. Get me proof, Agents. Dismissed.’

Steve and Y/N stood up, leaving the room in silence. They rode the elevator together, Steve staring at his feet.

‘Is this what our marriage is going to be like?’ Y/N asked, a smirk on her face. ‘Painful silences and thinly-veiled insults? Gee, I can’t wait.’

Steve clenched his fist and took a deep breath, trying not to raise to the bait. The temptation to fight with her was strong, but he had to control himself. He was a professional.

‘Get what you need,’ he told her stiffly. ‘I’ll meet you downstairs.’

The elevator opened at Steve’s floor and he got off as fast as he could.

‘See you later, honey!’ she shouted at his retreated back.

This was going to be a disaster.


	3. Chapter 3

Steve Rogers was a stuck-up, arrogant man with a holier-than-thou complex and Y/N had known it from the moment she’d first laid eyes on him. S.H.I.E.L.D.’s star recruit was seriously overrated and she had made it her personal mission to knock him down from his pedestal. If that meant pissing him off until the end of her days, she was fine with it.

‘I’m serious, you  _have_  to carry me over the threshold,’ she repeated for the third time, smirking.

Steve clenched his jaw and glared at her. They had just arrived in DC and where now standing in front of their new apartment. But Y/N wouldn’t go in.

‘Come on, husband, the neighbours are watching.’

Steve glanced behind him and, sure enough, two small kids had stuck their heads outside their apartment and were studying them intently. Steve sighed and dropped the bags. Without a word, he lifted a grinning Y/N into his arms and crossed the threshold. He then dropped her unceremonially on the carpet and she fell with a yelp.

Massaging her wounded butt, she shot him a dark look as he brought their luggage inside and shut the door behind him.

‘What a gentleman,’ she mocked. ‘I really can’t see what all those girls find in you.’

That was a lie, and she knew it. Rogers, with all his faults, was still a rather fine specimen and the countless women working at S.H.I.E.L.D. had noticed it right away. So had she, for about five minutes, before she realized he was an insufferable jerk.

Steve was ignoring her and she huffed, getting off the floor and searching for her bedroom. She was desperate for a nap and some space. The apartment was nice, if a bit small. A cosy living room with mismatched furniture, a kitchen painted in bright yellow and a balcony overlooking the city. The bathroom was modest, but perfectly adequate. Finally, she found a bedroom. She collapsed on the bed, her eyes closing. She was ready to fall asleep, there and then, when she realized there was a huge problem.

There was only one bedroom.

‘Hey, Rogers?’ she shouted. ‘Can you come here for a sec?’

She heard heavy footsteps and Steve joined her.

‘What is it?’

‘Well, uh…there’s only one bed.’

Steve turned around, looking at the apartment. She could almost see him counting the doors in his head. Once he realized she was right, he blanched.

‘Maybe the couch is a futon?’ Y/N said.

They both ran back to the living room, but after ten minutes of pulling, lifting and prodding at the couch, they had to face the obvious. It was a regular sofa. They both sat down, defeated.

‘I guess I’m sleeping on the floor?’ Y/N grimaced.

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Steve scoffed. ‘I’ll take the couch.’

‘It’s too small for you. How about we both act like adults and use the bed without making it awkward?’

Steve didn’t look convinced, but it was the only option they had and Y/N knew his reluctance would slip away once he was tired enough.

Suddenly, there was a sharp knock on the door and Sam Wilson’s voice yelled at them to let him in. Rolling her eyes, Y/N stood up and let her friend in.

‘Congratulations, Mrs. Rogers,’ he said as he pulled her into a tight hug.

‘Why, thank you, Sam!’

She laughed. She had known Sam for years, even before she was recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D. and she could honestly say his friendship was one of the most important things in her life.

‘Wilson,’ Steve smiled as he shook Sam’s hand. ‘It’s been a while.’

‘New York, wasn’t it? Man, that was years ago. You’re looking good, Rogers.’

‘Don’t hit on my husband, Sam,’ Y/N said with a fake frown. Steve scoffed, but she ignored him.

The three agents settled around the table. Sam didn’t waste any time and pulled two heavy folders from his bags. He handed them brand new IDs and Y/N hummed as she examined hers.

‘Sarah Collins, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Alright, I can live with that.’

She leaned over Steve’s shoulder to see his ID, ignoring the way he stiffened as she brushed his shoulder.

‘Thomas Collins, also from Philadelphia. Sounds like high school romance to me. What do you say, Rogers?’

‘Whatever,’ he answered and Y/N raised an eyebrow at how harsh his voice sounded. She sat back down in her own chair and exchanged a puzzled look with Sam. Steve examined the rest of the folder. He pulled out a driver license, a ring of keys, various certificates that proved he’d worked as a bodyguard before and everything else he would need to become Thomas Collins. And right at the bottom…

‘Are those wedding rings?’ Y/N gasped.

She grabbed the box from his hands and opened it, laughing at the sight of the two silver bands. They were simple, but pretty and she loved them already.

‘We  _have_ to put them on each other!’ she decided.

‘No, we absolutely do not,’ Steve protested.

Y/N pouted, and he averted his eyes.

‘Come on, indulge the girl!’ Sam laughed.

Groaning internally, Steve grabbed the smaller of the two bands. He then took Y/N’s hand in his bigger one and slid the band over her finger. Y/N giggled and did the same to him. He then heard a clicking sound and turned his head, just in time to see Sam putting down his phone.

‘I’m showing this to Barnes and Romanoff. Hell, I’ll even send it to Barton. This is too good.’

‘As long as you remember to give me a copy,’ Y/N joked.

Steve must have died and ended up in Hell. He missed Natasha. He would have been much happier with her as his partner. Or Sharon. Even after their break-up, she’d remained a close friend. But no, he had to end up with Y/N.

‘Hey, Rogers, you listening?’ she asked.

‘Uh, yeah. Sorry.’

‘It’s fine,’ Sam said. ‘As I was saying, Y/N, you have an appointment with Hill at eleven tomorrow. Remember, her name is Diana Johnson and you have exchanged a couple emails with her, nothing more. You’ll pretend to put a word in for your husband, and she’ll make sure Steve gets hired as well. Got it?’

They both nodded.

‘Alright, I’m off. Remember, guys, you’re madly in love. Should be easy enough.’

‘What is that supposed to mean?’ Steve frowned.

‘Nothing,’ Sam said. ‘See you later.’

Y/N walked him out. She then sat back at the table and Steve and she spent the evening memorizing their new identity. They decided on a simple backstory: high school sweethearts, married at nineteen, happy ever since. Hopefully, people wouldn’t ask too many questions.

Before long, they were both almost falling over from fatigue. But there was still the matter of their sleeping arrangements to discuss. Y/N slipped under the covers as Steve was in the shower. She was incredibly nervous, for some strange reason. It wasn’t the first time she’d had to share a bed with someone, but there was something about Steve that felt different. Perhaps it was because they couldn’t stand each other.

Steve soon came out of the bathroom in a smoke of steam, shirtless, drops of water rolling down his chest. Y/N had to bite off a groan. It wasn’t fair. How could someone so detestable also look like he’d just stepped off a photoshoot?

Steve stared at the bed, gulping.

‘Dude, get on with it,’ Y/N said, trying to hide how nervous she was.

Steve walked to the other side of the bed and got in, his body tense. Y/N turned off the light, but the two agents were radiating anxiety. It was kind of ridiculous, and Y/N started laughing. She tried to stifle the sound but she couldn’t stop herself.

She took one look at Steve and the constipated look on his face and laughed even harder.

‘You’re making fun of me,’ Steve huffed.

‘I’m making fun of the both of us,’ she managed to say between fits of laughter. ‘Look at us! Two agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. who face mortal danger almost every day. And we can’t even sleep in the same bed? A bit ridiculous, if you ask me.’

Steve chuckled and Y/N sat up, her eyes widening.

‘Did you, Steven Grant Rogers, actually laugh at something I said?’

‘Just go to sleep, Y/L/N.’

She lied back down, grinning.

‘Fine,’ she whispered. ‘But I’ll remember that until my dying day.’

Steve smiled softly and finally relaxed, letting himself fall into a deep sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Waking up to a hand smacking his face was not Steve’s idea of a good morning. He jerked awake, fumbling for the light, his cheek stinging. He looked at Y/N who, to his dismay, was still deeply asleep. She had left her side of the bed and seemed to be in the process of taking over Steve’s side as well.

The alarm clock told him it was a little after five in the morning, and he figured he might as well get up. His chances of falling back asleep were slim at best. He drank his coffee on the balcony, watching as the sun painted the buildings in pink and orange hues. Once he felt awake enough to function, he put on his workout clothes and went out for a run.

He was back an hour later and he’d barely taken off his shoes when Y/N came out of the bedroom, yawning. He nearly had an aneurysm. She was wearing one of his shirts, her legs bare. Her hair was a mess that  _somehow_ looked appealing, and as she stretched, he got a glimpse of her underwear.

He cursed, too low for her to hear, and turned around, staring at the wall.

‘Rogers?’ she asked, and dear god, her voice was so rough from sleep, it sounded downright sinful. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’

‘Don’t you, uh… don’t you think you should get dressed?’ he stammered.

She hummed and entered the kitchen, her arm brushing against his back. He stiffened, heat rushing to his cheeks.

‘I still have some time. I borrowed your shirt, I hope you don’t mind. I haven’t unpacked yet and I need some coffee first.’

She poured herself a cup and hopped on the counter, the shirt riding up her thighs. Steve was going to die, right there, right now and Bucky would laugh over his grave until the end of times.

‘Did you know you drooled in your sleep?’ Y/N said, her head tilting to the side. ‘I took pictures, I can show you later. After I send them to Sam, obviously.’

Steve immediately remembered why he hated her. What kind of person woke up in the middle of the night to take pictures of people while they were asleep? Y/N fucking Y/L/N, apparently. He scowled and left, ignoring her laughter.

In the kitchen, Y/N was grinning. It was too easy to get a rise out of Steve. She finished her coffee and went back to the bedroom, grabbing her suitcase and beginning the long process of unpacking her things. Her meeting with Maria Hill, or Diana Johnson as she was known within Insight, was at eleven. She needed to look professional, especially if she was to meet Alexander Pierce.

She ironed her grey skirt and white blouse, made sure her matching jacket was clean and shined her shoes. She then applied some makeup, nothing fancy but enough to highlight her features and put on some light jewelry. When she finally came out of the bathroom, Steve was waiting for her.

‘Ready?’ he asked.

‘Uh, yeah,’ she replied, frowning when she noticed his jacket. ‘Are you leaving too?’

‘We need some stuff for the apartment. I figured I might as well give you a ride.’

‘That’s really kind of you,’ she said, surprised. And slightly wary.

Leaving the apartment, they both climbed in Steve’s car, a beast of a vehicle that Y/N had always thought was compensating for something. But she had to admit, it was comfortable and the other drivers on the road only had to take one look at the car to leave them alone.

They reached Insight Corporation fifteen minutes early and Y/N gulped nervously as she gazed at the tall building. She felt like a gladiator, sent into the lion’s den.

‘You’re going to be late,’ Steve said.

‘Right. Can you come pick me up when I’m done?’

‘Sure. Just text me.’

She got out of the car and took a deep breath, before entering the building confidently. Steve watched her until she disappeared, apprehensive. It didn’t feel right, letting her go in alone. But he reminded himself that Y/N was an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. She could handle herself.

Inside, Y/N was quickly directed to the HR department by a polite and smiling receptionist. A man tipped her hat at her when she stepped into the elevator, as if it was the forties. People were smiling and laughing on every floor and Y/N felt as if she’d entered another dimension. Where was the evil corporation Nick had told her about? She had never seen people so happy to be working.

She didn’t have to wait long. At eleven sharp, Maria Hill opened her door, looking crisp in her suit. She smiled politely at Y/N, no hint of recognition on her face.

‘Mrs. Collins, if you would step inside.’

Y/N shook her hand and entered Maria’s office. As soon as the door closed, they smiled at each other warmly.

‘It’s been so long,’ Y/N said. ‘Rumours say you’re in Europe.’

‘Good. Take a seat, we’ve got a lot to discuss. How’s Rogers?’

‘Grumpy as ever.’

‘I hope you’re not being too hard on him.’

‘Nah. You know me, I’m nice as a kitten.’

Maria chuckled.

‘I’ll believe that when I actually see it. Now, there are a few things you need to know about Pierce. Call him “sir” or “Mr. Pierce”, never Alexander. Don’t ask him to call you by your first name either. He’s very strict on good manners, and he expects you to behave with professionalism and dignity at all times. You need to be reactive, always a step ahead.’

Y/N took a deep breath. This was nothing she hadn’t done before. So why was she so nervous?

‘And about Steve?’ she asked.

‘I think it’s better if you mention him yourself. At the very least, it’ll show initiative. Alright. You ready?’

‘Ready for what?’

‘Pierce wants to meet you, alone. We should hurry.’

Y/N tried not to panic as she followed Maria into the elevator. They went up to the last floor, where a receptionist told her to go inside. She smiled tightly at Maria, entering the office. The room was big and modern, all sleek furniture and big windows.

Alexander Pierce was looking over the city, his face pensive. He didn’t turn as she entered.

‘It’s peaceful, isn’t it?’ he said.

Y/N approached and looked at the streets down below.

‘Depends on where you’re standing,’ she mused.

Pierce finally looked at her, a surprised smile on his face. He held out his hand and she shook it firmly.

‘That’s very true. I’m Alexander Pierce.’

‘Sarah Collins.’

He gestured at her to seat and walked to a bar, grabbing a bottle of whiskey.

‘Would you care for a glass?’

‘It’s a bit early for me,’ she answered. ‘But thank you.’

‘I don’t like to drink,’ he said, putting down the bottle and pouring some water into two glasses instead. ‘But I found that it tends to soften hard discussions, especially during business meetings. It’s a great advantage not to drink among hard drinking people.’

She thanked him as he handed her a glass and took a sip, the cool water settling her nerves.

‘The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald,’ she smiled, recognizing the quote.

‘Precisely,’ Pierce answered. ‘Do you read much, Miss Collins?’

‘Whenever I can. And it’s actually Mrs. Collins.’

‘My apologies. You just moved here, didn’t you? What does Mr. Collins think about the city?’

She smiled, trying to play the part of the lovesick wife.

‘He’s getting used to it,’ she answered. ‘He’s mostly anxious to work again. Speaking about work, I hope you don’t mind, Miss Johnson said it was okay. My husband was a bodyguard, back in Philadelphia, and I heard you were looking for one yourself.’

Pierce leaned back in his chair, bringing his head together as he considered the proposition. Y/N’s heart was hammering in her chest. This was important. If Steve didn’t get the job, then she would be alone at Insight without any back up. Maria’s position was too fragile for her to risk her cover.

‘Well, I don’t see why not,’ Pierce finally answered. ‘Mr. Rumlow takes care of all security matters. He will interview your husband personally.’

‘Thank you, sir. You won’t regret it.’

‘Let’s hope not.’

He looked at his watch and stood up, Y/N following suit.

‘Well, Mrs. Collins, this was all the time I had. But I think you’ll do just fine. Miss Johnson will work out the details with you, but I expect you tomorrow morning at eight o’clock sharp.’

Y/N thanked him, trying to hide how relieved she was. Fury would have had her head if she’d messed up the interview. And from what she’d seen of him, she rather liked Alexander Pierce. He seemed smart, with the kind of humour she appreciated. He would most likely be a more pleasant boss than Fury, at least.

She felt kind of bad she was there to spy on him. But she was an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.: the job always came first. And she would be damned if she left her personal feelings get in the way of her mission.


	5. Chapter 5

As it turned out, Brock Rumlow was available all afternoon and even though Maria had to argue with him for ten minutes on the phone, he had agreed to meet Steve at two o’clock, at a gym downtown. Steve and Y/N had been waiting for him for thirty minutes, sitting on the curb.

‘Is he even gonna show up?’ Steve scoffed.

‘Maybe it’s a test,’ Y/N mused. ‘To see if you really want the job.’

Steve hummed. Punctuality was important to him, and he already didn’t like this Rumlow guy.

‘What about Pierce?’ he asked.

‘He was really nice, actually. He sounds like a smart man. I liked him.’

Steve looked at her, eyebrows raised in disbelief.

‘You liked him? You realize we’re here to take him down, right?’

‘No, we’re here to find out if he needs to be taken down. Maybe Nick’s just paranoid. God knows it wouldn’t be the first time. You remember the mess from five years ago with that Greek architect?

Steve shuddered at the memory. Many heads had almost rolled because of that incident.

‘You shouldn’t get attached to Pierce anyway,’ he said. ‘We’ll be gone in a few months at most, no matter what.’

‘I know. Oh, I think that’s Rumlow.’

Steve turned his head and sure enough, a very muscular man in workout clothes was heading straight for them, scowling. Steve stood up and held a hand for Y/N, helping her up. Except, even once she was on her feet, she didn’t let go. She laced her fingers with his and smiled brightly.

‘You must be Mr. Rumlow,’ she said when the man was near enough. ‘My name is Sarah Collins, and this is my husband, Thomas.’

‘It’s a pleasure to meet you,’ Steve said, holding out his hand.

Rumlow shook it, but he barely glanced at Steve. His eyes were fixed on Y/N, a lazy smile on his face. Steve didn’t like that look. Scratch that, he hated it. He moved forward a little, shielding Y/N from sight.

‘How about we get started?’ Steve said with a forced smile.

Rumlow led them inside the gym. It was modern, filled with state-of-the-art machines. It was also completely empty. Had Rumlow rented the entire place? They went straight to the back, where mats had been arranged on the floor.

Steve took off his shoes and his jacket, giving them to Y/N, but as he was about to join Rumlow, he felt a light pat on his butt. Whirling around, he saw a smirk on Y/N’s face.

‘Go get him, honey,’ she said and he rolled his eyes.

Rumlow was waiting for him, already in a defensive position.

‘You know how to throw a punch, Tommy?’ he smirked.

‘And a few other things,’ Steve answered.

Rumlow suddenly launched at Steve, and he moved out of the way at the last possible second. He retaliated by kicking at Rumlow, aiming for his thigh, but the bodyguard had jumped back. Steve didn’t need any more to know this would not be an easy fight.

They sparred for what seemed like an eternity. It was obvious to Y/N they were evenly matched. For every hit Steve landed, Rumlow gave back. She was almost vibrating on her seat, the need to get out there and fight almost overwhelming. But she had to play the helpless wife, no matter how much she hated it.

Both men were sweating heavily, shirts drenched in sweat. Steve soon yanked his over his head and dropped it on the floor. Y/N gulped. She hadn’t expected that. It was almost impossible for her to take her eyes off Steve from that point, even when Rumlow took off his own shirt. The muscles rippling in his back, the v of his hips, his abs… Steve’s body seemed to be cut out of marble and Y/N was mesmerized.

‘Okay, that’s enough,’ Rumlow suddenly said, stepping back.

Both Steve and Y/N froze, awaiting Rumlow’s judgement like criminals in a tribunal.

‘You’re lucky Rollins retired,’ Rumlow said. ‘We need someone to replace him. You’re in, Tommy. Get your ass to Insight tomorrow at eight. I’ll show you around.’

Steve thanked him, but Rumlow was already heading for the showers.

‘Thank God,’ Y/N said. ‘Fury would have been pissed otherwise.’

‘Tell me about it. I’m gonna wash off the sweat, alright? I won’t be long.’

Y/N sat back down as he left and pulled out a book from her bag. She had barely been reading for five minutes when she heard heavy footsteps approach her. She raised her head, expecting it to be Steve, but instead, she saw Rumlow.

‘Still here?’ he asked.

‘I’m waiting for my husband.’

He sat down next to her, way too close for her comfort. His leg was touching hers and she was at the end of the bench, so she couldn’t move away.

‘Whatcha reading?’ he asked, leaning in.

‘Um, A Tale of Two Cities.’

‘Sounds boring as hell.’

She bristled, but before she could protest, he had leaned even further, his face mere inches from hers. And he smelled terrible. Had he even showered?

‘So, is it serious between you and Tommy?’ he asked.

Y/N’s eyes widened in disbelief. She held up her hand, the wedding band on her finger shining in the lights of the gym.

‘We’re married.’

‘It don’t mean anything these days,’ Rumlow said, unimpressed.

‘Well, it does to me.’

‘Sure it does, sweetheart. You can play high and mighty all you want but I know girls like you. I know what you really want.’

‘Oh really?’ a harsh voice said.

Y/N jumped. Steve had come out of the showers and was now staring at Rumlow, cold fury in his eyes. He looked like he was ready to kill. Y/N got up and took Steve’s hand between her own, holding it tightly.

‘It’s getting late,’ she said. ‘We should go.’

Steve didn’t budge. He was still glaring at Rumlow, who looked bored at best. Y/N knew that if Steve even laid a finger on the other man, he would lose his job as Pierce’s bodyguard. And then, the mission would fall on her shoulders and hers alone. She couldn’t let that happen.

‘Thomas,’ she said, more firmly. She dug her fingernails in his palm and the pain finally snapped Steve out of his murderous mood. He nodded, his head barely moving.

‘Thank you again, Mr. Rumlow,’ Y/N said sweetly. ‘We’ll see you soon.’

Rumlow waved at them as they left, a lazy smile on his lips. Y/N grabbed Steve’s keys from his jacket, not trusting his ability to drive. He got in the passenger seat without protesting, slamming the door.

‘What the hell was that?’ she asked as she started the ignition.

‘You’re kidding. Did you not see the way he looked at you?’

‘Of course I saw it, I’m not blind, Rogers.’

‘Then why didn’t you say anything?’

‘Because we need these people to like us! Christ, Steve, we have a mission. What do you think would have happened if you’d beat him up, or insulted him, or whatever the hell you intended to do? We would have ruined this entire mission, and probably lost our jobs too. I know it’s hard on you and your stupid hero complex, but not every battle needs to be fought. Sometimes, you have to see the bigger picture.’

Steve scowled, staring at the road. But then, he noticed Y/N’s hands on the steering wheel. They were shaking. He looked at her face and saw the tightness of her jaw, the haunted look in her eyes.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked.

‘I’m fine. It’s nothing new. I just wasn’t expecting it.’

‘Still. I could talk to him, ask him to leave you alone.’

She shook her head, even though there was nothing she wanted more.

‘Fury would want us to use this. And I will. If Rumlow has a thing for me, then I might be able to get information out of him.’

‘And I’m supposed to just let it happen?’

‘For the good of the mission, yes. Please, Steve. It’s nothing I can’t handle.’

Steve hated it, but he had to admit Y/N was right. It was useful. But, as he looked at her, he vowed to himself that if it ever got to a point where she was in danger, he would wreck Rumlow. Screw Fury and the mission. His partner’s safety was more important.

They just had to figure out what the hell was happening at Insight Corporation before it got to that point. No pressure.


	6. Chapter 6

****

Two months had passed, and if there was one thing Steve had learnt while working at Insight, it was that being a bodyguard consisted for the most part of waiting around. Alexander Pierce spent his time either at home or in his office, both of which were heavily protected. Steve was only needed when Pierce had to run an errand or travel, but that almost never happened.

Steve’s days were split between dying of boredom and restraining himself from murdering Rumlow.

Rumlow was the vilest man Steve had ever met. Not only did he act like a creep around every woman working at the company, but he also stalked Y/N wherever she went. Steve had stopped counting the number of times he had seen Rumlow leering at her as she worked. And the worst part was that he couldn’t say anything. He had to pretend not to mind, and Rumlow took this as Steve’s way of saying “go for it.”

Y/N, on the other hand, was having the time of her life. Despite Steve’s advice, she had gotten rather attached to Pierce. He was smart, witty and seemed to genuinely want what was best for the world. He was a fair boss and together, they worked admiringly well. If it hadn’t been for Rumlow’s constant presence, Y/N’s life would have been perfect.

They didn’t forget about their mission, however. With Fury asking them for news nearly every single day, it was impossible. They had talked to almost every single employee, had been through countless files and records, had even stalked the janitors… but there was nothing. Insight Corporation was as clean as could be and the less they found, the angrier Fury got.

‘Are you incapable of following the simplest order?’ he spat out, and even with the poor resolution of the screen, Y/N could see the disgust on his face. Her heart clenched, both from shame and anger.

‘We searched the records, hacked the mainframe, did everything you asked but there’s nothing!’ she insisted.

‘No. You’re just a shitty agent.’

Y/N took a sharp breath, hurt. She hung her head, hoping neither Fury nor Steve would see the tears pooling in her eyes. She could feel the weight of Steve’s gaze on her, an unwanted witness to her shame.

‘There’s still one place you haven’t searched,’ Fury continued. ‘Pierce’s office.’

‘What?’ Steve snapped. ‘That’s the most secure room in the building, you send us in there and we’re dead meat.’

‘I’m not sending you in there, Rogers. You have no place being in his office. But Y/L/N does.’

Y/N raised her head. She wanted to argue, to scream and shout that this was too risky, too dangerous, that she could  _die_. But how could she do anything but accept? She had to convince Fury she was good at her job, and if rummaging through Pierce’s office was what it would take, then she would do it, no questions asked.

‘I’ll go tonight, sir,’ she said and Fury nodded, before ending the call. The screen of the computer turned black and Steve turned to her, his jaw clenching.

‘This is insane,’ he said. ‘You can’t go, you’ll be found out immediately.’

‘Not if I go after dark. The cameras within the office are turned off at night. The building will be almost empty, and as his personal assistant, I’m allowed to go wherever I want, whenever I want. It will go fine.’

Steve sighed, feeling a headache coming. The entire situation was a mess.

‘Okay. But I’m coming with you.’

‘Fury said-’

‘Screw what Fury said,’ he interrupted her, and then added with a smirk. ‘What kind of a husband would I be if I let my wife go out alone so late?’

Y/N rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t deny how relieved she was. They headed to work in a comfortable silence, and she mused on how their relationship had evolved over the past few months. Somehow, they had become friends. She didn’t feel the need to annoy him all day long and Steve had relaxed around her. And it was nice, to have someone to count on.

They entered the building and she kissed Steve’s cheek for appearances’ sake, before heading upstairs to Pierce’s office.

‘Ah, there you are,’ he said with a smile.

‘Am I late?’ she frowned.

‘No, not at all. But there’s a lot we need to discuss. Mainly, how will I survive my meeting with Mr. Clark this afternoon.’

Y/N laughed. She had met with Patrick Clark a good number of times since she’d been working at Insight, and the man was the most annoying person she’d ever had to deal with. But as the head of communications, he had to be handled with care and respect.

‘I would suggest heading there ten minutes early,’ she said. ‘He will think he made you wait and feel guilty about it, so that’ll make him nicer. It worked pretty well last time. A coffee’s always a pleasant gesture as well, especially since the communications department’s coffee machine broke yesterday.’

‘Did it?’

‘Yes. Maintenance is working on it.’

‘Let’s hope they figure it out quickly. I can’t have caffeine deprived employees within my company.’

‘Speaking of. Here’s yours.’

She handed him the latte she had previously ordered and he thanked her with a smile. For hours, they worked, solving whatever problem surfaced with surprising ease. But then, Y/N had never felt her mind be so in tune with someone else’s. It was exhilarating to work with Pierce.

By the time night came and Mr. Clark’s appointment had been handled with success, both Pierce and Y/N were exhausted.

‘Ah, Sarah, I don’t know what I’d do without you,’ he said as he leaned his head against the back of his chair.

Y/N looked up from her computer, surprised. He had never called her Sarah before, it was always Mrs. Collins. She wondered what had brought on the change, but she didn’t question it.

‘Crash and burn, probably,’ she answered and he chuckled.

‘Modest as always, I see.’

‘Modesty is the delicate form of hypocrisy,’ she replied.

‘Who is that from?’

‘Rémy de Gourmont.’

Pierce hummed, and she knew he was memorizing the quote. That was one of their games, since the first day they’d met. Throwing quotes left and right to see if the other recognized it. When they did, it was another reason to celebrate their intelligence. When they did not, it was an opportunity to learn.

Alexander Pierce was the first person who had made her feel smart, and for that, Y/N would be eternally grateful.

But her gratitude did not stop her from accomplishing her mission. She pretended she wanted to stay and work late, and after Pierce was long gone, she waited for Steve. He entered the office a little after ten in the evening, a scowl on his face. She didn’t need to ask why he seemed so annoyed. He had just spent an entire day in Rumlow’s company, what other reason need there be?

His eyes softened when he saw her.

‘Ready?’ he asked.

‘As I’ll ever be.’

She unlocked Pierce’s office and they both slipped inside, bodies alight with tension.

‘You search the cabinet on your left, I’ve got the desk.’

Steve nodded and they got to work. It was of the utmost importance that they left the place as spotless as they’d found it. Alexander Pierce was a very observant man. If one thing was out of place, he would know.

Y/N shifted through countless letters, business proposals, reports from Insight’s many departments… there was nothing out of the ordinary. Steve seemed to be coming up empty handed as well.

She was about to give up and go home, when she suddenly heard hurried footsteps coming their way. She stood up, her heart racing in her chest. There was nowhere to hide, nowhere to go. They were trapped.

Steve got in a fighting stance near her, and that’s when Y/N thought of another way. It was risky and she had no time to explain, but she hoped Steve would play along. Quickly, she shoved him against the wall. He gasped, looking at her with eyes filled with confusion. She teared his tie away from his neck and ripped the top three buttons of his shirt. Then, knowing she had to make it convincing, she began kissing down the line of his neck.

Steve threw his head back, his hands gripping her waist. He knew she was doing it as a distraction, but the feeling of her lips on his skin was electric and he barely remembered his own name. Y/N’s hands travelled under his shirt, scratching his chest and leaving trails of fire behind them.

‘What are you doing in here?’ a voice with a heavy Austrian accent screeched.

They tore apart and Y/N blushed, her face the picture of embarrassment. There was a short, pudgy man in the office. He was old, his hair thinning on his head and round little glasses were perched on his nose, beady eyes watching them from behind the frames. He was wearing a lab coat with a name embroidered on the right side: “A. Zola.”

‘We’re so sorry, sir,’ Steve said, rubbing his neck.

‘Who are you?’ Zola asked, wary.

‘I’m Sarah Collins, Mr. Pierce’s personal assistant. This is my husband, Thomas.’

‘The bodyguard?’

‘Yes,’ Y/N confirmed. ‘Please don’t tell Mr. Pierce, sir! It was a stupid mistake, it won’t happen again, I promise.’

Zola nodded and Y/N grabbed Steve’s hand, pulling him away with a silly smile on her face. But as soon as they were out of sight, she ducked behind her own desk. She raised her head and was able to see through the glass door as Zola opened a book in Pierce’s library and slid something inside. He turned back and she ducked, pressed against Steve in the small space as he walked past them.

They listened intently as Zola’s footsteps retreated. The elevator dinged as it opened, and soon enough, they were alone.

Y/N ran back inside the office and began frantically opening every book. She ignored Steve’s questions and finally, as she opened a beautiful edition of  _War and Peace_ , a USB drive fell off it. There was a strange symbol on it, a red skull with tentacles around it.

‘What is that?’ Steve asked, grabbing it.

‘No idea. But why would he hide it? It has to be the proof Nick wants. We have to make a copy, come on.’

They walked back to her desk and she started her computer. The files on the USB drive were coded but she didn’t have time to try and decipher it. She quickly copied them and sent them to S.H.I.E.L.D. through a secure address. No one would know it was her.

They placed the USB drive back where they’d found it and after making sure nothing was out of place, they left. Finally, they had found something. And once S.H.I.E.L.D. managed to crack the code? They would finally know the truth behind Insight Corporation.


	7. Chapter 7

The week that followed their discovery was the tensest Y/N had ever been through. She constantly expected Pierce to jump out of a dark corner and scream that he’d found out what she’d done. But when she came back to work, he was as kind as ever. Slowly, she allowed herself to believe she was safe.

S.H.I.E.L.D. still hadn’t managed to figure out what the mysterious file was about. It seemed to be nonsense, hundreds of pages of random numbers and letters. As for the symbol on the USB drive, Steve had sent out a drawing of it to Fury. It turned out to be the symbol of a long-forgotten Nazi organization called Hydra that had disappeared with its creator Johann Schmidt. Natasha and Bucky were trying to dig up more information, but so far, nothing.

‘So how big is this event, anyway?’ Steve asked as he tried to tame his hair in the bathroom.

‘It’s a fundraiser, so I’d say pretty big. You brought a suit, right?’

Steve had, but he hated wearing it with a passion. Unfortunately, he didn’t have much of a choice. Pierce had invited Y/N and Steve to a fundraiser for some charity he sponsored, as his guests and not his employees. They couldn’t possibly refuse.

He answered Y/N’s question by coming out of the bathroom, his jacket clinging tightly to his shoulders. She whistled as she saw him, a playful smile on her lips.

‘Don’t you look dapper, Rogers. I almost didn’t recognize you. Makes me wonder who’s the trophy wife in our marriage.’

‘Go get dressed and we’ll find out.’

Y/N rolled her eyes but didn’t protest and she disappeared in the bathroom. Steve knew she was going to be there for quite some time, but he didn’t mind. He sat down at the table with a book, sending texts to Bucky. When the door finally opened, he stood and grabbed his keys. He turned around, and nearly dropped them.

Y/N looked like she’d just stepped out of Heaven to grace mortals with the beauty of her presence. Or at least, that’s how Steve felt as he looked at her. Her dress shone like it was made of starlight, shimmering against her skin and highlighting her figure. Her make-up was so subtle, he wouldn’t have known it was there if he hadn’t seen her face bare. He had no words for how beautiful she looked, and all he could do was gape as she moved closer to him.

‘You okay, Rogers?’ she asked with a frown.

‘You… how… I just…’

Y/N laughed and grabbed his hand, pulling him to the door.

‘Come on, Mr. Collins. You can tell me how pretty I look in the car.’

Steve managed to drive them whole and safe to the location of the event, a posh hotel in the heart of the city. He had to actively avoid looking at Y/N, for fear he would cause an accident. She was almost jumping up and down from excitement next to him.

‘I’ve never been to a fundraiser before,’ she said. ‘It’s too bad we don’t have any money.’

‘We can still donate a symbolic dollar.’

‘God, you think we should? Isn’t that a little offensive?’

Steve shrugged. What did he know? He had never partied with billionaires before, with the exception of Tony Stark.

‘Is it weird that I’m so excited?’ Y/N continued. ‘I’m an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., I shouldn’t care about pretty dresses and parties.’

‘Why shouldn’t you? You can do whatever the hell you want, and still kick ass afterwards.’

Y/N turned her head, pleasantly surprised but Steve was still looking at the road. He stopped in front of the hotel’s entrance, and quickly walked around the car to give Y/N a hand as the valet took his place in front of the wheel. Y/N rolled her eyes, but he could see her blushing under the make-up.

The room they were directed to looked like it had come out of a fairytale, and Steve smiled at Y/N’s mesmerized look. They found Pierce soon after and he grinned as he saw them.

‘And here come the Collins, shaming us all with their beauty,’ he joked. ‘Thomas, Sarah, thank you for coming.’

‘Thank you for inviting us, sir,’ Y/N said.

‘It was my pleasure. Why don’t you two enjoy the dancefloor? The orchestra is one of the best I’ve ever seen, and it would be a shame to miss it.’

Steve wasn’t fond of dancing, but he couldn’t resist the look on Y/N’s face and he didn’t protest when she led him through the crowd of dancers.

‘I don’t know how to waltz,’ he said loudly over the music.

‘Me neither,’ she replied with a laugh.

She put one delicate hand on his shoulder and he took the other, putting his other arm around her waist. They started swaying, Steve gulping nervously as Y/N grinned. She seemed to be enjoying herself and the least he could do was play along.

‘You’re not so bad,’ she said as he twirled her.

‘That was the only trick in my book, sorry.’

‘Sorry? Are you kidding me? I feel like a princess.’

Her eyes were shining, and Steve realized how much she longed for this. A normal life, where she was allowed to care about nice clothes and parties. The agent life was rough on everyone, and it seemed to have hit Y/N hard. He wondered what had brought her to S.H.I.E.L.D. in the first place. What had been worth making all these sacrifices?

‘You sure look like one,’ he said, shaking off his dark thoughts. They had no place here, on a night like this.

‘Why thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.’

She played with the collar of his shirt and he gulped as the tip of her fingers brushed against his neck. God, he had it bad. It had taken him some time to realize it, but in the last two months, Y/N had evolved from an annoying partner to…well, to the vision of grace and beauty he was holding in his arms. He couldn’t deny the way his heart sped up when she walked into a room, or how hard it was to sleep in the same bed without being able to touch her.

Steve was falling for Y/N, and he was falling hard.

‘What is it?’ she asked. ‘You look weird.’

‘Nothing. Just a little winded from all the dancing.’

‘Tell me about it. I need to freshen up a little, would you mind waiting for a bit?’

Y/N left Steve near the buffet and she left to find the bathroom. The hotel ended up being a maze of corridors, and it wasn’t long before she was completely lost.

‘Damn it,’ she cursed as she tried to find her way.

‘It’s the other way,’ a man suddenly said.

She jumped, whirling around. Rumlow was leaning against the wall, looking at her with an intensity that made her deeply uncomfortable.

‘Mr. Rumlow,’ she said. ‘I didn’t know you where here.’

‘I go where Pierce goes.’

‘Right. I should get back to my husband.’

She tried to walk past him but his arm shot out, blocking her way. Her heart was hammering in her chest, her fists clenching.

‘Let me through,’ she said menacingly.

‘Why? Can’t we talk for a bit?’

‘If you want to talk, let’s talk in the ballroom.’

He smirked and took a step towards her. She took a step back, her hand slipping into her bag discreetly. She found her phone and pressed a number without looking, hoping against all odds Steve would pick up and would realize what was happening.

‘You know what you are?’ Rumlow said. ‘You’re a damn tease. Strutting around like you own the place, with that boy of yours. But I’ve seen how you look at me.’

‘You misunderstood my intentions,’ she replied, keeping her tone calm. ‘I love my husband.’

‘See? You’re still playin’ hard to get.’

He took another step forward and Y/N was starting to panic. Not because she was scared. She had faced enemies much scarier than Brock Rumlow. But if she fought with him, she would blow her cover. And then, the entire mission would be ruined. Fury already thought she was a terrible agent. If she messed up, she had no doubt he would toss her onto the streets.

She backed up again and hit a wall. The only way out was forward, and Rumlow was blocking it, a smirk on his lips.

‘What you gonna do now?’

‘Get away from me.’

‘Or what?’ he said, so close to her she could feel the alcohol on his breath. He took her chin in his hand and that was the last straw for Y/N. She snarled and punched him in the head so hard he went crashing against the wall. She twisted out of his grasp and started running away, but he seized a piece of her dress and held her back. The sleeve tore smoothly, but not before he’d grabbed her arm roughly.

‘Let me go!’ she shouted.

He pushed her against the wall, his hand against her mouth.

‘Kitten’s got claws,’ he laughed. ‘I like that.’

The kitten had teeth too and she bit him as hard as she could. He yowled in pain and hit her in the face, the pain throbbing in her cheek. She couldn’t hold back anymore. Her life depended on it, and as much as she hated it, it was more important than her job.

She was about to launch at Rumlow when suddenly, a man ran in and threw a solid punch at Rumlow’s head. Steve was here, and she had never seen him so angry. Rumlow never stood a chance.

He tried to defend himself, but Steve was relentless, kicking and punching and shoving until Rumlow was a bleeding mess on the floor. Steve finally stopped, throwing a disgusted look at the man curled up at his feet.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked Y/N.

She didn’t have time to answer. People had heard the commotion and were approaching, Alexander Pierce at the head of the group.

‘Sir, I can explain,’ Y/N said frantically.

He looked at Rumlow, unconscious on the ground, at Steve’s bloody knuckles and split lip, at Y/N’s dress and the torn sleeve.

‘No need. I know exactly what happened. Someone call security and ask them to escort Mr. Rumlow out of the premises.’

Y/N’s eyes widened. She had expected Pierce to fire her on the spot.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Pierce told her. ‘He won’t be troubling you anymore. I won’t have a man like that in my company.’

Y/N thanked him but Pierce waved her gratitude away. She wondered what had made Fury distrust him so. Pierce had been nothing but kind and fair to her, despite only knowing her for a few short months.

‘Go home,’ he said. ‘And take the day off tomorrow, both of you. You deserve it.’

‘Thank you, sir,’ Steve said.

Steve put an arm around her back and lead her away. People looked at them as they crossed the room, but Y/N kept her eyes on the ground. Adrenaline was still coursing through her system and her mind was a storm of anger and relief.

They drove back home in silence and Y/N lead Steve to their tiny bathroom without a word, sitting him down on the toilets seat. She grabbed the first aid kit and stood between his legs, tilting his head back gently.

Their eyes crossed and the tension in the room skyrocketed.

‘Thank you,’ she whispered as she dabbed a cotton with an antiseptic solution.

She gently pressed the cotton against his lower lip and Steve winced at the sting. She stroked his cheek with her thumb, her eyes filled with so many emotions Steve couldn’t take it anymore. Screw the mission, screw Fury and screw common sense. His hand shot up and he grabbed her wrist, halting her movements. Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes widened. Steve stood up until he was towering over her and walked her back until she hit the wall, making her gasp.

Without saying a single word, he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. The touch, although brief and light, was electrifying, and Steve fought hard not to lose control. He pulled away, his eyes searching for any sign of rejection on her face. He saw nothing but anticipation and lust.

‘You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,’ he breathed out.

‘Then why’d you stop?’

He groaned and cupped her face, kissing her more urgently. Y/N smiled against his lips and her arms wound around his neck, her fingers playing with his hair. She pressed herself against him, her tongue fighting for dominance. Even then, she was trying to take control. But Steve wasn’t about to let that happen. He grabbed the back of her thighs and lifted her until her legs crossed around his waist. He pressed her against the wall, his lips trailing down kisses down her neck.

‘Bed,’ she gasped, ‘now.’

Steve carried her into the bedroom and as they sank in the mattress, bodies moving in sync, he felt his mind slip away until all that was left was her name.


	8. Chapter 8

Waking up to someone kissing her neck was by far one of the most enjoyable experience Y/N had ever lived. She smiled, keeping her eyes closed and raised her hand until it was resting on Steve’s head, tangling in his hair.

‘This is nice,’ she said, her voice still rough from sleep.

Steve hummed, pulling away from her neck to press his lips against hers, the touch brief and soft. She opened her eyes, her blurry vision clearing until she could see him grinning at her.

‘You look happy,’ she said.

‘Is that a bad thing?’

No. It wasn’t. For weeks, Y/N had woken up to this, a naked Steve in her bed, kissing her, holding her. She didn’t know what it meant, what it was. They had both agreed not to overthink it, and she was so happy. It felt like, after all these years, her life was finally making sense.

‘We’re going to be late,’ she said, trying to untangle herself from Steve. He put an arm around her waist, pinning her to the bed. It had gotten significantly harder to get up in the morning since they’d first had sex.

‘Steve, come on. Let me go.’

‘You say that every morning, and we always end up on time anyway. Relax.’

Y/N rolled her eyes and, without missing a beat, drove her elbow into his side. He gasped and his grip loosened enough for her to pull away.

‘You’re so mean,’ he groaned.

‘And you’re clingy. Come on, Rogers. If you get up fast enough, we can share a shower.’

Steve didn’t need to be told twice. He had always been a fervent supporter of saving water. Anything for the planet. They drove to work and Y/N parted from Steve with a wink, heading to Pierce’s office with her heart soaring.

But what she saw when she entered made it crash down just as quickly. Pierce was lying on the floor, unconscious. His eyes were open, staring at the ceiling blankly. She ran and fell to her knees next to him, shaking him roughly.

‘Sir! Sir, open your eyes!’

He gave her no answer, no sign he’d heard her. That’s when she noticed he wasn’t moving. At all. She pressed her fingers to his pulse point and waited desperately, but there was nothing. Alexander Pierce’s heart had stopped beating.

She didn’t think. She simply rolled him until he was flat on his back and titled his head back, before starting compressions on his chest. She knew it was wrong. Pierce was her target. She had found an USB drive in his office adorned with the symbol of an occult Nazi organization. Any respectable agent would have let him die. It was the perfect opportunity: no one would have been able to trace the death back to S.H.I.E.L.D., since they would have nothing to do with it. But Y/N couldn’t help it: all she saw was Pierce firing Rumlow without a second glance, the trust and respect in his eyes when he looked at her. She couldn’t let him die, not when he had been nothing but kind to her.

She screamed for help as she neared the tenth compression and it wasn’t long before security ran in and called for an ambulance. Some man she didn’t know took over for her and she crawled away from Pierce, leaning against the wall. Her hands were shaking.

Steve ran in, took one look at the unconscious man and ran to Y/N. He crouched in front of her, his eyes wide.

‘What happened?’

‘I- I found him on the floor. He wasn’t breathing. I tried… I tried to…’

She couldn’t say it. But Steve looked at her hands, the redness of the skin and the bruises forming where she’d pressed too hard. His head snapped up and there was confusion and betrayal in his eyes. His face turned dark and she couldn’t take it. She sobbed and buried her head in her arms.

The paramedics came and went, taking a still unconscious Pierce with them, and still Y/N didn’t look up. Soon, the room turned silent. A hand grabbed her arm and she was pulled to her feet. Steve led her to the elevator, his eyes avoiding hers. They drove home in complete silence. Once inside, Steve closed the door while she stood in the centre of the room, her arms wrapped around herself.

Suddenly, Steve punched the wall with a yell. She jumped, startled, as dust and debris clattered to the floor. Steve was breathing hard and when he turned to look at her, there was cold fury in his eyes.

‘Why would you save his life?’ he choked out.

‘I couldn’t let him die,’ she whispered.

Steve laughed, but the sound was harsh.

‘Of course, you couldn’t.’

‘What is that supposed to mean?’ she snapped.

‘I don’t know, Y/N. Maybe that, ever since we started this mission, you seem to forget you’re  _not_ Sarah Collins, personal assistant. That girl isn’t real. You’re Y/N Y/L/N. You’re a fucking S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and you had your target dead in front of you. The perfect opportunity to end this mission. But no. You just to save him.’

‘We don’t know if he’s guilty of anything!’

‘For fuck’s sake, do you not remember the file? There was a Nazi symbol on it!’

She had no answer to that, and they both knew it.

‘Maybe Fury was right,’ he continued. ‘Maybe you are a shit agent.’

It felt as if he’d stabbed her. The air constricted in her lungs, and she fought against the tears that pooled in her eyes. She wouldn’t let him see weakness.  Even if that was the last bit of dignity she had, she would hold onto it.

‘Just leave,’ Steve said in a dark voice. ‘Go back to Pierce, to your pretty dresses and parties. I’ll be here when you wake up. In the real world.’

Gone was the man who had kissed her that morning, the man who had looked at her as if she was his whole world. The person in front of her had nothing but contempt in his eyes.

She left, the door slamming behind her. It was raining outside, dark clouds covering the sky. It seemed fitting, somehow. The weather reflected her soul. She had no coat, no umbrella, nothing to protect herself from the downpour but she couldn’t have cared less. She walked for hours, people looking at her with wide eyes. She must have looked terrible.

She found herself in front of a hospital. It was the nearest from Insight Corp. If Pierce was still alive, he had to be in there. She walked in the hall, the nurse at the reception raising her eyebrows as she saw the state Y/N was in.

‘Can I help you, dear?’ she asked.

‘Um… I’m looking for Alexander Pierce. Is he… is he alive?’

‘Yes, Mr. Pierce was brought in this morning. He’s resting now.’

Y/N breathed out, the relief making her feel both dizzy and ashamed.

‘May I ask your name?’ the nurse asked.

‘Sarah Collins.’

‘Ah, yes. Mr. Pierce asked that you be considered as a family member. He’s in room 204, you can go right up.’

Y/N was frozen, her eyes wide. The idea that he’d thought of her, that he considered her family? It seemed impossible. She nodded numbly at the nurse and took the elevator. She found herself in front of an open door. Inside the room, there was a bed, and in the bed, Alexander Pierce. He was hooked in to so many machines she couldn’t count them all and he looked half-dead, but his eyes were open and he smiled weakly as he saw her.

‘Sarah…’ he said in a raspy voice.

She stumbled inside, her legs weakening by the second. She collapsed in a chair and took his hand between hers, tears escaping her eyes.

‘I’m alright,’ he said. ‘There’s no need for tears.’

She nodded, but the tears wouldn’t stop coming. She buried her head in the mattress, trying to stay quiet. Pierce held her hand, his thumb stroking her knuckles soothingly. She didn’t know how long she stayed like this. By the time she deemed herself calm enough to look Pierce in the eye again, it had stopped raining outside and the sun was shining once again.

‘Better?’ Pierce asked with a smile.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry, I-’

‘There’s no need to apologize, Sarah. You saved my life.’

In her mind, Steve’s words echoed endlessly:  _‘Why would you save his life?’_ She remembered the betrayed look in his eyes. She saw the kindness in Pierce’s face.

‘I couldn’t let you die,’ she replied.

It was the same answer she’d given Steve. And it was the absolute truth.


	9. Chapter 9

Y/N stared at her reflection in the mirror, her gaze trailing from her unkept hair to the dark shadows under her bloodshot eyes. She looked like she hadn’t slept in a week, and there was a truth to that. But how could she sleep when every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was Steve’s angry and betrayed face?

Y/N had never dealt well with conflict. Not the small, meaningless arguments she excelled at. But the real fights. The one that tore relationships like paper, only for the shattered remnants to fly away with the faintest gust of wind. She remembered her parents screaming so loud the house shook as she cowered under her covers. It was only ever quiet when they were gone, and when they had left forever, Y/N hadn’t been able to decide which was better: the violent cacophony of insults echoing in the empty hallways or the morbid silence as child services took her away.

She scowled at her reflection. She looked weak, pathetic. Like she was a little girl again, not an agent who could kill grown men without blinking. What had happened to her? It had begun with this mission, there was no questioning that. But what was the cause of the change? Was it Steve? Or Pierce, maybe? Perhaps it was just her. Perhaps she was broken.

‘Sarah?’ Pierce called, pulling her away from her dark thoughts. She got out of the bathroom, smiling at Pierce. He had just been discharged from the hospital, and although he still looked weak and sickly, he refused to rest. He had told her about his cancer, only to make her promise never to mention it again.

‘Yes, sir?’

‘Are you alright? You seem upset.’

‘I’m fine,’ she answered with a reassuring smile. ‘You said you wanted to show me something?’

‘Yes, at Insight. There’s a car waiting for us. Shall we?’

Y/N nodded, and they left. It wasn’t a long drive, and before she knew it, she was back at Insight for the first time in over a week. Pierce didn’t waste any time. He led her to the elevator but, to her surprise, didn’t push on any buttons. Instead, he looked at the camera and nodded.

The elevator moved, but down and Y/N frowned. As far as she was aware, there were no levels below. Where was he leading her? A part of her wished Steve was here. This was huge: the secret Insight was hiding could be there.

The door opened, and Y/N gasped as she discovered what had been hiding under Insight for the first time.

* * *

Jack Rollins lived two hours away from DC, and Steve was grateful for the long drive. He had been on edge ever since his fight with Y/N and driving calmed him. Sam was quiet in the passenger’s seat, keeping busy by playing some strange game on his phone.

It had been Maria’s idea to visit Rollins, Pierce’s former bodyguard. The man was young and healthy, there was no reason for him to retire so soon. Unless he had discovered something that had made him leave. It wasn’t much, but it was the only lead they had.

But despite the importance of the mission, all Steve could think about was Y/N. He had been angry at first, but now, he was just worried. Pierce had gotten into her head somehow, manipulating her. That was the only plausible explanation.

He could still see the pain in her eyes when he’d insulted her. Oh, how he’d regretted those words. But the harm was done, and he had to live with the idea that he might have ruined everything between them forever.

‘I think that’s the one,’ Sam said, pulling Steve from his thoughts.

Steve parked in front of a small yellow house, flowers hanging from the windows and cheerful garden dwarves waiting by the gate. They got out of the car and walked up the alley. Sam knocked firmly on the door but it wasn’t Jack Rollins that answered. It was a petite woman, armed with a shotgun and fury in her eyes.

Steve and Sam took a step back, raising their hands.

‘Who the hell are you?’ she snarled.

‘My name’s Thomas,’ Steve answered as calmly as he could. ‘This is my friend John.’

‘Do you think I’m stupid. You’re HYDRA, aren’t you?’

Sam and Steve exchanged a puzzled look.

‘Ma’am… what do you know about HYDRA?’

That was how the two S.H.I.E.L.D. agents found themselves sipping tea with Rollins’ wife Heloïse, sitting on a bright green couch. She was nervous, jumping at the faintest sound. It had taken them a long time to convince her they weren’t HYDRA agents. Even now, Steve could see doubt in her eyes.

‘Where’s your husband?’ Sam asked her.

‘Dead,’ she answered with a dark smile. ‘They sent me back his wedding ring, blood all over it, a few months ago.’

‘What happened? And who’s “they”?’

‘Jack was secretly working for the CIA,’ she began. ‘They knew there was something fishy within Insight, and so they sent my husband to infiltrate the company. But what he found… that was beyond anything they could have imagined.’

‘What did he find?’

‘The end of the world as we know it.’

* * *

Y/N was speechless. She looked at the enormous aircraft carriers, three of them, the biggest she had ever seen.

‘What are those?’

‘We call them helicarriers,’ Pierce answered with a proud smile. ‘And they are the reason S.H.I.E.L.D. sent you to infiltrate my company.’

Y/N’s eyes widened and she took a step back, her hand reaching for a gun that wasn’t there. Pierce knew she was undercover? How? He didn’t look angry, or frightened, or any other emotion she would have expected. No, he looked… calm.

‘It’s alright, Sarah. I have known for quite some time, and I understand why you hid the truth from me. But S.H.I.E.L.D. has been lying to you. It’s what they do, they feed lies to the world and expect us to accept it. What did Fury tell you about me?’

‘He- he told me you were obsessed with terrorism. That you wanted to eradicate it with drastic measures that would have put the freedom of American citizens at risk.’

Pierce scoffed.

‘That does sound like something he would say. But he’s wrong, Sarah. The only thing I want is peace. For everyone. Imagine it: a world where no one has to fear bombs, attacks or nuclear war. A world where S.H.I.E.L.D. isn’t needed anymore. A world… where you do not have to kill anyone ever again.’

Y/N took a sharp breath. It seemed impossible, but oh, how she loved the idea.

‘Tell me your name,’ Pierce asked. ‘Your real name.’

‘Y/N,’ she answered with a shaky voice.

Pierce took her hand, holding it gently.

‘I know you’re troubled, Y/N. You don’t know what is right and what is wrong anymore, and that’s alright. I understand your doubts. But I am sure that, in your heart, you can see the truth.’

‘I- I can’t. I’m sorry.’

‘You’re stronger than you think. Look at me. When have I ever lied to you? Hurt you? I knew you were a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent the day you broke into my office, and that was months ago. But I kept you by my side. Do you want to know why?’

She nodded, her mind a mess of confusion and doubts.

‘Because I know you. You are smart, and kind, and brave. If I’d ever had the chance of having a daughter, I would have wanted her to be like you.’

Y/N breathed in sharply. She didn’t know what to think anymore, didn’t know what to do. There was a man she loved and admired in front of her, a man who had been nothing but kind to her. A man who, if he was to be believed, considered her family. But he was her enemy.

Or…was he?

* * *

Steve looked at Heloïse Rollins, stunned. She had revealed Insight Corporation’s true plans and he was beginning to understand just how much danger they were in. Three next generation helicarriers, launched from DC, who never needed to come down, equipped with long range rifles at the hand of a Nazi organization? A nightmare. But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part, was the algorithm: a code that could instantly recognize any potential threat to HYDRA and could order the helicarriers to eliminate that threat. Men, women, children. Everyone was in danger.

‘Jack tried to find proof,’ Heloïse continued. ‘He broke into Pierce’s mansion months ago. He never came back.’

‘Rumlow told us he’d retired,’ Steve said.

‘Of course, he did. He must have known who you were from the start. These people… they’re smart. You can’t fight them, can’t hide anything without them knowing it. Jack tried, and look at how it ended.’

Steve thought about Y/N, alone in the hands of Pierce. He had to do something, had to persuade her to see the truth. Or he didn’t dare think of the consequences.

‘Do you think you have a chance at stopping them?’ Heloise asked, eyes fierce.

Steve and Sam looked at each other, the both resolute. They nodded firmly. Heloise looked relieved for a second, right before her face grew sombre.

‘Then you better hurry. The helicarriers will be launched in two days.’

* * *

Y/N looked at Pierce, at her hand held in his. He was staring at her, a reassuring smile on his face.

‘These things…’ she asked. ‘Who will they kill?’

‘People who threaten the peace. Killers, terrorists. Those who prey on the innocents.’

‘And that’s it?’

‘Of course. Think about it, Y/N. You won’t need to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. anymore. You can have a normal life, a peaceful life. No need to kill anyone, to lie and deceit. You could have a home, a family.’

She looked at the helicarriers. Could these instruments of death bring her tranquillity? Was it worth it? She had no answers to these questions, and her head was hurting with all the conflicting emotions raging in her heart. She couldn’t figure out who to trust, who to follow.

‘Please, Y/N. Work with me, help me bring peace to the world.’ Pierce said. ‘You don’t have to be alone anymore.’

And here it was, the heart of her pain. Loneliness. There was only one thing she could say to that, and she pushed Steve out of her mind as she answered Pierce.

‘Okay.’


	10. Chapter 10

Steve had always been a strong swimmer, but that didn’t mean he enjoyed dipping into the Potomac river in the middle of November. He sucked in a deep breath, plunging into the icy water. According to Maria, there was a side entrance to Insight’s secret hangars somewhere under the surface.

Armed with a flashlight, it didn’t take him long to find the open pipeline that led inside the building. He didn’t hesitate and swam in. Before long, the pipeline turned in a vertical line and a few seconds later, Steve took in a mouthful of air as he broke through the surface. He found himself in an empty machinery room, not a soul in sight. Quickly, he opened his sealed bag and dried himself off before changing into clean clothes. He put his guns in their respective holsters, hid the rest of his stuff in the room and left.

He finally got a look at the infamous helicarriers and gaped at the sheer size of them. He had never seen anything that big, or that deadly. Turrets, machine guns, missiles… these things could lay waste to entire cities within mere days, and if Heloïse Rollins was to be believed, that was HYDRA’s plan.

Steve’s mission was simple: find proof of Insight’s plans. Fury would then present them to S.H.I.E.L.D.’s council and they would be able to take action against HYDRA. Steve took pictures of the helicarriers, of the munitions being loaded onto them, but he knew it wouldn’t be enough. Pierce would still be able to twist his way out of any accusations if they didn’t have undisputable proof he was involved. He needed to catch him red-handed.

Steve wanted nothing more than to bring HYDRA down, and Pierce with it. But he couldn’t lie to himself: there was another reason he was so eager to get inside the secret hangars. He had to find Y/N. After Heloïse’s reveals, he had tried to find her, hoping to convince her of the truth. But she was nowhere to be found. She wasn’t answering her phone, facial recognition hadn’t been able to spot her in the city, and Maria assured him she hadn’t come to work ever since their fight. So where was she?

The only explanation Steve could think of was that she was there, aiding Pierce after he’d undoubtedly manipulated her into believing he was the good guy. Maria had also raised the possibility that she was dead, but Steve refused to even think about it.

He made his way to the back of the hangars, slipping out of sight behind crates or pillars as soon as someone approached. Soon enough, he found a door that seemed to be leading inside offices of some sort. The hallway was empty and Steve sent a silent thank you to Sam, who had been the one to convince him to wait until after dark. Most of the employees were home and Steve could search the rooms without being bothered by anyone.

Some were filled with desks and monitors, the walls covered by dark screens. Others were messy, mountains of paper shoved randomly in corners. He found Pierce’s office at the end of the hallway. It looked a lot like the one in the tower, with one vast difference: there was the red skull of HYDRA painted on the wall behind the desk. Steve froze at the sight.

‘Should’ve known you’d come snooping around,’ someone said and Steve whirled around.

Rumlow was leaning against the door, a nonchalant expression on his face. Steve scowled, remembering the last time he’d seen him: bloody and battered on the floor. There were still faint bruises on his face and Steve couldn’t help but feel smug at the sight of them.

‘Lookin’ for something, Tommy?’ Rumlow asked. ‘That ain’t even your name, is it?’

‘Where is she?’ he ground out between clenched teeth.

‘Your pretty little wife? Around here somewhere. Amazing how well she fit with HYDRA. Who would’ve guessed, uh?’

Steve felt anger pulsing through his veins, the red-hot fury almost overwhelming. He knew he shouldn’t rise to the bait, knew Rumlow was just trying to rile him up. But hearing him speak about Y/N that way? He couldn’t stand it.

‘I might swing by her room, later,’ Rumlow smirked. ‘You know, to give her a  _proper_ welcome.’

Steve snapped. And in his anger, did the most stupid thing he could have: he launched at Rumlow with his bare fist. He could have shot him, but his fury made him blind. His fist landed on Rumlow’s side, but the other man quickly retaliated with a well-placed kick to Steve’s hip. The pain flared but he ignored it and kept fighting. He had forgotten the mission. All he cared about was Y/N, and ending Rumlow before he could even lay a hand on her.

The fight was tough. He realized before long that Rumlow had never revealed his true capacities. The man he had fought at the hotel during the fundraiser was a child compared to the killing machine that was in front of him now. And Steve was losing.

He jumped back, evading Rumlow’s fist by a mere inch. Steve was breathing harshly, blood running down his nose. He had at least one bruised rib and he had sprained his wrist. His right eye would soon turn into a swollen mess, he was sure of it.

‘You’re out of your depth, kid,’ Rumlow said.

He charged and Steve tried to move into a defensive position. But Rumlow was too fast and before he could blink, Steve was out like a light.

Y/N was staring out the window, looking at the helicarriers, when she heard the commotion outside her door. Her agent instinct kicked in and she grabbed her gun before opening the door. She froze at the sight of Rumlow and four other men dragging an unconscious Steve down the hallway. Pierce was following them, but he stopped when he saw the look on Y/N’s face.

‘What is this?’ she asked, her voice shaking.

Every fibre of her being was screaming at her to go after Steve, to destroy the men that had hurt him and flee, get him somewhere safe. But Pierce’s cold eyes held her in place as sure as any leash.

‘He broke into my office,’ he answered her nonchalantly. ‘Mr. Rumlow tried to talk him down, but he attacked. There was no reasoning with him.’

Y/N frowned. That didn’t sound like Steve.

‘What are you gonna do with him?’

‘For now, put him in detention. Then, we’ll see.’

‘What? You can’t just lock him up like that!’

Pierce took a step towards her and she backed away, stepping inside her room once more. He kept going until he was inside and closed the door behind them.

‘And what do you propose I do, Y/N? Let him roam free? Project Insight is nearly completed. We can’t have anyone interfere with our plans.’

‘I can talk to him, make him understand-’

‘You will not approach him, do you understand?’

Y/N froze. Pierce’s voice had changed, the warm tone changing to cold and threatening in a heartbeat.

‘He’s my friend,’ she said with a firm voice. ‘I want to see him, and I will.’

‘You can try. But I guarantee you won’t get within ten feet of him.’

‘I thought I was your ally. Not your prisoner.’

Pierce laughed and the sound was so harsh she winced.

‘Y/N, my dear. I value your help, I really do. But do not think I value you more than this project. If you hinder my plans in any way… I will not hesitate to have you killed.’

He left the room as Y/N gaped, and she heard the lock slide into place. She was paralyzed. Her mind was a chaos of confusion and doubts, and she realized she had made a terrible mistake. Pierce had blinded her with promises of peace and happiness. He had known what she longed for and had quickly used it against her.

She looked at the helicarriers, at the turrets and the missiles. How could she have ever thought these engines of death would bring peace to the world? Order, yes. But at what price?

She needed to get out of here. And when she found Pierce? There would be hell to pay.


	11. Chapter 11

Y/N wasn’t surprised when Rumlow entered her room not long after Pierce left, a tray filled with food in his hands. She had been counting on it. He smirked at her, putting the tray on the table.

‘Pierce told me your name’s Y/N,’ he said. ‘Suits you a lot better.’

‘Thanks,’ she answered.

She sat on the bed, her legs falling open a little and his eyes were drawn to her like a moth to light. She looked up at Rumlow, her eyes half-lidded and her mouth in a teasing smile. He scoffed.

‘Sweetheart, you expect me to believe your little game?’ he said, but she could see the temptation in his eyes.

‘Why not? I’m locked up and bored. I just want a distraction. What could I do, anyway? I’m unarmed.’

She had looked for anything to defend herself in her small room, but the furniture was rooted to the floor, the knives in the kitchen were blunt and she couldn’t even break the mirror. All she had was her wit. And she planned on using every last bit of it.

‘You’re a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent,’ Rumlow said, taking a step towards her. ‘You can fight.’

‘I can. But I was never good enough to beat Steve, and you  _destroyed_ him.’

The flattery was working, she could see it in his smug look. He took another step, and another… and slipped on the butter she’d rubbed on the tiles. If she hadn’t been in such a dangerous situation, she would have doubled over laughing at the way Rumlow slipped and crashed to the floor.

‘Fuck!’ he cursed.

Y/N jumped up and kicked at his side. He got up to one knee and she tried to hit him in the head but he seized her leg before she could and pulled, making her fall hard on the tiles. His hands snaked around her throat but she headbutted him before he could start pressing. Rumlow groaned, his nose gushing blood. Y/N took advantage of his pain to knee him in the privates and push him off her.

‘You’re a fucking creep,’ she spat. ‘I hope you burn in hell.’

She punched him as hard as she could, her fist landing on the side of his head. Rumlow’s eyes rolled over in his head and he collapsed, unconscious. Y/N rolled him on his side so he wouldn’t choke on his own blood and fished his keys out of his pocket. She had no time to lose. He would wake up soon and the entire base would know she’d escaped.

She left the room, locking the door behind her. The hallway was thankfully empty, and she took a moment to think. She had to find Steve, but, where was he? The hangars were huge, and that was only if he hadn’t been moved somewhere else.

And then, she saw it. Little stains in the carpet. She remembered how bloody Steve’s face had been when the men had dragged him off. With luck, the bloodstains would lead her right to Steve like breadcrumbs.

As it turned out, he wasn’t far at all. She only had to walk for a couple minutes before she came to a door. There were two men in front of it, stronger and bigger than her, but also completely unprepared to deal with the ball of anger that was Y/N. She made quick work of them and opened the door.

Steve was tied to a chair in the middle of the room, metal shackles binding his hands and feet. There were dark bruises on his face, one of his eyes swollen shut and dried blood under his nose.

‘Y/N?’ he said as he saw her, his eyes wide.

She grinned at him and crouched to examine the shackles around his feet. It didn’t take her long to figure out how to open them and they fell around Steve’s feet. He was still staring at her with wonder in his eyes when she untied his wrists. As soon as he was free, he sprang to his feet and his hands grabbed her waist, pulling her against him.

‘Steve, what-’

His mouth crashed on hers before she could finish asking him what the hell he was doing, but she didn’t mind. She grabbed his shirt with her hands and pulled him even closer, their teeth clashing together. Steve cupped her face, keeping her in place and turning the violent kiss into a sensual and soft one. Y/N melted in his arms, her knees buckling under her but Steve’s arms came around her waist, keeping her upright. When they finally came apart, the lack of air was making her dizzy. The look of utter love and admiration in Steve’s eyes didn’t help either.

‘You’re an idiot, Rogers,’ she said with a teasing smile. ‘What were you thinking, coming in here on your own?’

‘I came to rescue you.’

‘Does it look like I need rescuing?’ she scoffed. ‘Come on, let’s go. We’ve got work to do.’

She took his hand and they sneaked out of the room, just as the alarm echoed throughout the hangars. Someone had discovered she was gone. There was no time for discretion, not anymore. She exchanged a single look with Steve, and they both took out running.

‘This way!’ Steve shouted as he headed deeper into the hangars.

Y/N followed him, and soon, so did half the base. She risked a look behind her and saw at least a dozen HYDRA agents hot on their heels, armed to the teeth.

‘You better have one hell of a way out!’ she yelled at Steve.

‘Just trust me!’

Soon, Steve kicked open a door and entered, Y/N behind him. Her eyes widened as she realized they were in a machinery room. Completely trapped. Steve locked the door behind them with some heavy machine and the guards started shouting.

‘Before you start yelling,’ Steve said as she opened her mouth, ‘come here and look.’

She approached and breathed a sigh of relief as she saw the latch that led to the pipeline. Steve opened it and Y/N looked inside. It was almost completely dark, the water sloshing against the sides.

‘Really?’ she whined.

‘What were you hoping for, a magical elevator? Come on, Y/L/N, get in.’

Y/N took a deep breath and jumped in the water. It wasn’t long before she broke through the surface on the other side, the morning sun shining on her face as she dragged herself out of the Potomac river.

‘Let’s go,’ Steve said, already on his feet. ‘It won’t be long before they find out how we got out.’

She grumbled but didn’t protest as he pulled her up. They rushed back to Sam’s house, who grimaced as he saw the state they were in. Maria was inside, sipping on a cup of coffee.

‘Took you long enough,’ she said. ‘Get cleaned up, Director Fury wants to talk to us.’

Steve and Y/N showered together, and although they wanted nothing more than to do more than clean themselves up, they knew they didn’t have time for any funny business. Before long, they joined Maria and Sam in the living room. There was a computer on the table, Fury’s scowling face on the screen.

‘You two are the bane of my existence,’ he said in a dark voice as he saw them. ‘You’ve caused me more trouble in six months than the entirety of the world has in fifty years.’

Y/N winced. She felt beyond guilty. She had let Pierce mess with her brain, betrayed S.H.I.E.L.D. and almost ruined her mission. It was a wonder Fury wasn’t firing her on the spot.

‘You’re lucky I need you,’ Fury continued. ‘We cracked the files you sent us. It’s Zola’s algorithm, the one HYDRA will use for the helicarriers. An algorithm that, if we don’t stop it, will kill millions of people. Thankfully, Barnes and Romanoff found a way to destroy the damn thing. There’s a kill switch, activated by a password.’

‘What is it?’ Sam asked.

‘You think I know?’ Fury scoffed. ‘Nah. Zola has it, I’m sure of it. You need to find him. And when you do… don’t hold back. We  _need_ that password. Or the world as we know it will be destroyed.’


	12. Chapter 12

As it turned out, finding Zola was ridiculously easy. Natasha only had to type on her keyboard for a couple minutes before the facial recognition system found him. Y/N and Steve stayed at Sam’s house while Sam and Maria headed out to kidnap the scientist.

They met in an abandoned building, far enough from the city that no one would hear them. Sam dragged a blindfolded Zola to a chair and quickly tied him up. He then ripped the blindfold off and Zola squinted as his eyes adjusted to the light.

Y/N hauled a chair to him and flipped it backwards before sitting on it with a grin, spinning a knife between her fingers.

‘Dr. Zola,’ she said. ‘It’s been a while.’

‘Agent Lane. Is this meant to impress me?’ he replied, gesturing with his head at the knife.

She spun it some more, her eyes focused.

‘Yes. But maybe this will work better.’

She brought the knife down so fast it seemed blurry and Zola screeched as she stabbed him. It stayed stuck in the flesh, the sight gruesome. Zola started sobbing, struggling to breathe against the pain.

‘I think you might be a little confused, doctor,’ Y/N said with a sweet smile. ‘You’re not in charge here. Now, how about we get started?’

Steve, Sam and Maria watched as Y/N interrogated Zola, grimacing. She was relentless, twisting the knife whenever Zola took too long to answer one of her questions. Steve had felt bad for a second, right before he’d remembered that this was a man who had written an algorithm that would allow a Nazi organization to wipe off a third of the world’s population.

Before long, Y/N stood up and wiped her bloody knife on Zola’s jacket.

‘You’ll be fine,’ she said dismissively.

Zola was a doctor, and she was sure he’d known from the start the wounds she’d inflicted on him weren’t life threatening. But he had never been subjected to pain, and he hadn’t been able to see past that. She walked towards her friends and smiled reassuringly.

‘There’s a way to stop HYDRA. Zola says there’s a kill switch in the algorithm. Just put in the password and the entire thing is destroyed. The helicarriers will be harmless.’

Maria breathed a sigh of relief.

‘And you have that password?’ she asked.

‘He gave it to me. But there’s one problem: to access the algorithm, we need to use Pierce’s personal computer. In his office.’

Steve cursed, running a hand through his hair. Pierce’s office was the most secure room in the building, and the most difficult to access. He looked at Y/N, at the barely hidden anger on her face, and he knew there would be no stopping her. And after all, what choice did they have? Millions of people were going to die if they didn’t stop Pierce.

‘Alright,’ he said. ‘Maria, Sam, you take Zola to S.H.I.E.L.D. He’s too dangerous to be left alone. Call Fury, tell him to send as much backup as he can. Y/N and I will break into Pierce’s office.’

Sam wanted to protest, but one look from Maria and he shut his mouth. She knew they had no choice.

‘You guys better not die,’ Sam said gruffly.

‘I’ll do my best,’ Y/N smiled.

They left Sam and Maria in the abandoned building and Steve hijacked a car. They only had a few hours until HYDRA would launch the helicarriers, and Y/N was almost vibrating with anxiety and anticipation on her seat. Steve reached out with his right hand and turned it, palm facing the sky. Y/N gave him a tight smile and intertwined her fingers with his, drawing comfort from the contact.

‘Ready?’ Steve asked as he parked the car in an alley close to Insight Corporation. Y/N nodded firmly.

They entered the building through the back entrance, expecting less resistance. But there was no one inside. Frowning, they entered the main hall, but once more, there wasn’t a soul in sight.

‘What the hell?’ Y/N whispered.

‘Pierce must have told them to leave. He knows S.H.I.E.L.D.’s coming.’

‘I guess. But I doubt he left his office unsupervised.’

They entered the elevator, punching the button that would lead them to the last floor. Y/N kept expecting something to happen, some trap laid by Pierce to stop them from attacking. But the elevator rose smoothly.

‘Hey,’ Steve said softly, taking her hand once more. ‘It’s gonna be fine.’

‘How can you know?’

‘Because I trust you. And I know you trust me. We’ll be alright. And after all this is done, what do you say we take a vacation away from S.H.I.E.L.D.?’

Y/N laughed.

‘Like what, a honeymoon?’

He ran his thumb over the golden band she still wore on her finger.

‘Why not? We could even pretend to be Thomas and Sarah Collins for a little while longer. Rent a house by the sea and just relax for a while. What do you say?’

Y/N rose on her tiptoes, and pressed her lips to Steve’s gently. His hand cupped her cheek as she pulled away, and the love in his eyes almost overwhelmed her.

‘I say it’s perfect,’ she answered.

The doors opened, and as soon as they stepped off the elevator, they were attacked. Y/N ducked, the fist of a man twice as tall as her swinging dangerously close to her face. She stood back up and evaded another man, before sliding under the arm of a guard. She lost herself in the fight, with only one thought in her head: survive.

She kicked, and punched, and sliced, and stabbed, for what seemed like an eternity. She received countless hits, but she refused to be knocked down. She couldn’t see Steve anymore, there were too many guards around her. Bodies dropped left and right and soon enough, there was only one man left: Brock Rumlow. His face was darkened with bruises, and his nose was clearly broken, but he was grinning.

‘I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me, uh, sweetheart?’

Y/N breathed in sharply. She was barely able to stay upright, and she didn’t dare think of the state her body was in. She knew, without even trying, that she wouldn’t be able to defeat Rumlow.

As it turned out, she didn’t have to. Steve appeared out of nowhere, fury in his eyes. And he was holding nothing back. The men were a mess of limbs swinging and groans of pain. Y/N searched for an opening, anything to help Steve, but they were too fast.

Rumlow suddenly tripped Steve, and stood over him, ready to knock him out. Y/N didn’t hesitate. She jumped, and stabbed Rumlow in the back, her knife sliding between his ribs. He choked, blood running down his chin.

‘Never turn your back on an assassin,’ she whispered.

He fell, and she knew she would remember the emptiness in his eyes for the rest of her life. She reached out and grabbed Steve’s hand, hauling him to his feet. They suddenly heard someone clap, and they both whirled around. Pierce was sitting at his desk, a single eyebrow raised.

‘Impressive,’ he said. ‘Those were my best men.’

Steve took a step forward and Pierce grabbed a gun from his drawer. He pointed it at Steve’s chest and the two agents froze.

‘No one else has to die today,’ Steve said, trying to placate him. ‘Surrender, and we’ll let you live.’

‘Now, why would I do that? In just a few minutes, my helicarriers will be launched and HYDRA will control the entire world. My life’s work will be complete.’

‘We can’t let you do that,’ Y/N said. ‘I don’t want to kill you, but I will if you don’t put the gun down.’

‘You forgot one thing, my dear,’ he smiled. ‘I’m already dying.’

He looked at Steve, his eyes turning cold. And before Y/N could say a single word, he pulled the trigger. She could only watch as the bullet ripped through Steve’s chest. He dropped to the floor, blood pooling on his shirt and she collapsed on her knees next to him, her hands pressing frantically on the wound.

‘It’s okay, it’s okay,’ she cried. ‘You’re going to be fine, just hang on.’

Steve was staring at her, his eyes unfocused. He raised a trembling hand, the tip of his fingers brushing against her cheek before dropping back down on the floor.

‘Steve, please!’ she begged. ‘Oh god, don’t do this, please, don’t do this.’

He took in a ragged breath, and with one last shaky smile, stopped breathing. Y/N froze, her eyes wide. She pressed her fingers against his neck, searching desperately for a pulse. She waited, tears running down her face. But there was nothing.

Steve Rogers was dead.


	13. Chapter 13

There was something tragically beautiful about Steve, as he lay lifeless in Y/N’s arms. How still he was, as if he had turned into one of those marble statues she had always been stunned by in museums. His strong jaw, his lips, the sharpness of his nose… she committed his face to memory, terrified at the idea of forgetting what he looked like.

She had killed enough men to know death was ugly. She knew, deep down, that Steve’s body would rot away until there was nothing left of him but brittle bones and dust. Even now, she could feel his skin growing colder. She held him tighter, as if she could somehow warm him once more.

She pressed a kiss to the crown of his head, her lips wet with the tears that had rolled down her face. She stroked his hair, slid her fingers down his jaw. She loved him. She loved that man with all she had, with all she was. She couldn’t let him go, not when she knew she might never get to hold him again.

‘It’s okay,’ she whispered. ‘You’re okay, now.’

She didn’t know who she was speaking to, and she didn’t care. Nothing mattered anymore. The sun was shining outside, rays of sunlight painting the room in golden hues. Anger flared in her veins. Steve was dead. The world wasn’t supposed to be beautiful, not anymore. She wanted rain, thunder and lightning. It wasn’t fair, that people could simply go on with their lives, when the man she loved was gone. Her universe had fallen apart, and a dark, twisted part of her wanted to drag the rest of the world with her.

‘I’m sorry it had to come to this, Y/N,’ Pierce said, laying a hand on her shoulder. ‘But as Gaylord Nelson once said: “The ultimate test of man’s conscience may be his willingness to sacrifice something today for future generations whose words of thanks will not be heard.” My work is too important, too  _essential_. I wish you’d see the world as I do. Alas. I know now that will never be the case.’

Y/N, her eyes still on Steve, didn’t react as she felt the unmistakable sensation of a gun barrel against her temple. She shifted until she could gently push Steve’s head off her lap and looked up at Pierce, her eyes blank.

That man had never loved her. He had never considered her family. She had simply been another pawn in his game and she saw it in his eyes as he prepared himself to pull the trigger.

‘I had so much hope for you, my dear. If only you had trusted me, then none of that would have happened. Mr. Rogers would still be alive today.’

Y/N breathed in sharply, tears pooling in her eyes. She blinked furiously, refusing to let them fall, but Pierce’s words kept replaying in her mind. Perhaps it was her fault. If she had been smarter, if she hadn’t fallen into Pierce’s trap, if she had trusted S.H.I.E.L.D… would Steve be alive?

‘Why?’ she asked, her voice breaking. ‘You could have killed me months ago. Why did you manipulate me?’

‘Ah. I suppose I do owe you an answer, although, I do believe you’re blaming me for something that was your fault entirely. You  _wanted_ to be manipulated, my dear. I hardly had to do anything. But, let’s not focus on that. You wish to know why I bothered with you?’

Y/N nodded wordlessly.

‘Because you were useful. See, I had expected Fury would send agents after me. And I admit, I was worried when I realized it was you and Mr. Rogers. You were getting to close, and it was too soon. But by making you doubt my intentions? I slowed you down. Oh, not by much. But enough for my plans to succeed.’

Y/N could have laughed at how  _simple_ that reason was.

‘Divide and conquer,’ she said.

‘Not the original meaning of the quote, but I’ll take it,’ he answered. ‘I am truly sorry, Y/N. However enjoyable our word games were… you have outlived your usefulness.’

He pressed the gun against her head and she knew she was going to die. She looked at Steve, one last time. She remembered the colour of his eyes in the moonlight, how his voice sounded when he had just woken up, the way his face scrunched up when he was reading the morning paper. Small things, admittedly, but they had been part of what had made her fall in love with him.

She couldn’t fail him, not again. And she may have outlived her usefulness for Pierce… but the world still needed her.

She jumped up, and when Pierce pulled the trigger, the bullet ripped through her left shoulder instead of her head. The pain was a burning agony, but she ignored it and kneed Pierce in the stomach. He doubled over, but backed away from her before she could hit him again and raised the gun once more. She ducked as he fired, the bullet shattering the window behind her.

Strong gusts of wind tore through the room, papers flying around and Pierce’s hair whipped in his face. Y/N launched at him, and twisted his arm until the bone snapped. He screamed as the gun clattered to the floor and grabbed her shirt with a desperate grip. She batted his hand away as if it was a mere fly and picked up the gun as he took a stumbling step back.

He seemed frightened, suddenly.

‘It’s different, isn’t it?’ she said. ‘Talking about death and facing it.’

‘Please! I’ll surrender, I’ll do anything!’

She smiled. It was empty, but Pierce sighed in relief as she lowered the gun.

‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘I knew you would-’

He froze as Y/N walked up to him, her face blank. He took a step back, then another. And finally, he was right where she wanted him.

‘Goodbye, Mr. Pierce,’ she said.

She shoved him and he stumbled back… right through the shattered window. He didn’t scream, only gasped as he felt nothing but air beneath his feet. He fell and died, his body bloody and broken on the concrete dozens of stories below. But Y/N didn’t look. She had a mission to finish.

She walked to the desk and sat on the computer, the bullet wound on her shoulder pulsing with agonizing pain. Blood was slowly tainting her shirt crimson, and she felt dizzy, but she forced herself to focus. She unlocked the computer, and was relieved to see Zola’s algorithm was already on the screen. She typed in the password the doctor had provided, and the page turned dark.

There was nothing else, no reaction, no sign that their plan had worked. In the movies, people cheered, or there were explosions, but all Y/N heard was her own ragged breathing and the wind. She could only hope that this hadn’t been all for nothing.

She stood back up and had to lean against the desk as a wave of dizziness hit her. She was losing so much blood, and she knew she didn’t have much time left. That was a relief. She stumbled, making her way to Steve’s body and collapsed on her knees next to him. She laid her head down on his shoulder, a single tear slipping from her eye at how much colder he’d gotten in the span of a few minutes.

She took his hand, his wedding band shining in the sunlight.

‘I love you,’ she whispered.

Her eyes grew heavy and she didn’t resist, closing them. She clutched at Steve’s shirt with her free hand, ignoring the way her shoulder pulsed with pain. It was getting better already, the agony fading away.

‘We’re gonna be okay,’ she continued, her words faint. ‘It’s over, now.’

She used the last of her strength to raise her head and press her lips to Steve’s jaw, the only place she could reach. Her hand relaxed on his shirt, and she breathed out, falling into darkness.


	14. Chapter 14

**Four years later**

Y/N stood in front of the gravestone, brushing off the snow that had accumulated on top. She shivered and pulled her coat tighter around her, her gloved hands clutching the bouquet of white lilies she had bought from a local florist. The smell was tantalizing and she liked the intensity of it. She laid them in the snow, propped against the stone.

‘Are you okay?’

She sighed and Steve wound an arm around her waist, holding her tightly against him. She tucked herself under the crook of his arm and closed her eyes as his free hand rubbed her shoulder.

‘I’m fine. I just… I think he genuinely wanted to make the world a better place, you know? In his own twisted way.’

She looked at Alexander Pierce’s name, engraved in the grey stone, and her heart clenched with a deep, old sadness. She knew killing him had been the right thing to do, there was no questioning that. He had been at the head of a Nazi organization and his plan, had it succeeded, would have caused the death of millions of innocent people. But her heart had never been able to catch up to her head.

She brushed her fingers against Steve’s chest, memories of the bullet ripping through him still fresh on her mind. There was no scar, no sign of what he’d been through. But she would always remember.

* * *

_Y/N opened her eyes, squinting against the bright lights that filled the room. She was lying in a bed, countless machines beeping steadily around her. Her shoulder hurt, but the pain was the farthest thing away from her mind as she recalled how she had gotten there._

_Pierce, Insight Corporation, the helicarriers and Steve… Steve was dead. Tears pooled in her eyes as she took in a shuddering breath. The pain in her shoulder was nothing compared to the agony in her heart as the image of Steve’s dead body filled her mind. She sobbed, and suddenly, she couldn’t take it anymore._

_She sat up, buried her head between her knees and screamed. Her voice was broken, a pitiful remnant of what it had been, but she couldn’t have cared less. She kept screaming, tears of anger and grief streaming down her face. People entered the room, running to her and trying to get her to lie down once more but she fought them off. They didn’t understand what had happened, didn’t know what she had been through. She thought she was going to die in Pierce’s office, and that had been a relief. How could she live in a world where Steve was dead?_

_‘Y/N, calm down!’ Sam said. ‘You’re hurting yourself!’_

_‘I don’t care!’ she screamed. ‘I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care!’_

_She felt the sharp pinprick of a needle jammed into her arm and her head started swimming. She stopped shouting, and when hands pushed her down into the bed, she didn’t struggle. Her vision was blurry, the temptation to close her eyes and sleep too strong to resist._

_Seconds before she surrendered, someone else approached the bed. She blinked sluggishly and breathed in sharply._

_‘Steve?’ she slurred._

_It couldn’t be him, she knew it. He was dead, she had seen the light leave his eyes, had felt him stop breathing. And yet, here he was, looking at her with sadness and stroking her hair comfortingly._

_‘It’s alright, doll. Just rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.’_

_That was a lie. He was a hallucination, some trick conjured up by her disturbed brain to try and relieve some of the agony that wrecked her heart. But it was better than nothing and as she fell unconscious, she tried to commit his features to memory. She fell asleep to the feeling of soft lips on her cheek._

* * *

Y/N took a deep breath. No matter how long it had been, reliving these moments was still painful. She turned around in Steve’s arms, looking away from the gravestone. There was concern in his eyes, as always. That was something that would never go away either.

‘We should go home,’ he said quietly. ‘It’s cold.’

‘Just a bit longer,’ she answered. ‘It’s quiet here.’

The cemetery was empty and she liked the silence, a stark difference to the constant buzz of the city. It was rare to find a peaceful place in New York, and as much as she loved living in Brooklyn, she needed some time away occasionally.

Steve placed his hand on her stomach, stroking the bump that had been growing steadily for the past few months. He was terrified, and no matter how hard he tried to hide it, Y/N wasn’t an idiot.

‘It’s going to be fine,’ she said, cupping his face between her hands.

‘You can’t know that. What if it affects her? What if what they did to me hurts our daughter?’

It wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation, and it wouldn’t be the last. Y/N answered the same thing she always did.

‘The tests don’t show anything out of the ordinary. And if she is affected… then we’ll deal with it together. Like we always do.’

He nodded, but he didn’t seem convinced. And she couldn’t blame him.

* * *

_Y/N woke up for the second time in the same hospital room, but she wasn’t alone. Steve was there, holding her hand. He seemed taller and bigger than before. Not by much, but she knew his body well enough to notice the difference._

_‘Hi,’ he said softly._

_‘You were dead,’ she whispered. ‘I saw you.’_

_‘I was. Or at least, that’s what Fury told me.’_

_He explained that, mere seconds after she’d passed out from the blood loss, S.H.I.E.L.D. had stormed the building. They’d whisked her away to a hospital as another team did everything they could to bring back Steve. They had managed to start his heart again, but he was still hanging onto life by a bare thread._

_‘That’s when Zola came in,’ Steve continued. ‘I don’t know how he heard, but he promised he could save me if they gave him back his freedom in exchange. Fury agreed, and Zola injected me with some kind of serum he had developed decades ago with some Dr. Erskine. I don’t remember much. Just that it hurt like hell.’_

_No one knew exactly what the serum had done to Steve’s body. He was faster, stronger and smarter. He could handle more pain than anyone else on the planet and survive wounds that would kill someone in seconds._

_‘I can’t get drunk, either. Bucky and I tried, but I felt nothing. I guess it’s a small price to pay.’_

_Y/N hadn’t said a word since he’d started telling her what had happened. She could barely believe it. It seemed too good to be true, and a part of her was afraid this was no more than a hallucination. She was terrified that if she blinked, he would disappear in a cloud of smoke._

_‘You’re really here?’ she asked, her voice breaking._

_‘I am, doll,’ he said as he squeezed her hand. ‘I promise.’_

_She sobbed and Steve didn’t need any more than that to engulf her in his arms, his hand stroking up and down her back. Y/N clutched at his shirt, burying her head in the crook of his neck as she apologized, again and again._

_‘It’s okay,’ he said. ‘We’re okay, sweetheart.’_

_And, slowly, she allowed herself to believe it was real. Steve was alive._

* * *

The snow was getting thicker, and when Steve pulled on her hand, she didn’t resist. They walked down the hill together as the sky darkened.

‘Thank you for coming with me,’ she said.

Steve hummed. He didn’t understand why she kept visiting Pierce’s grave, and Y/N didn’t mind. The important part was that he still came with her, no matter how much he hated it. She loved him even more for that.

‘I love you,’ she said as she leaned her head against his arm.

‘Love you too,’ he answered as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

Y/N smiled, her hand stroking her baby bump. On her finger, the engagement ring shone and as she left the cemetery with her soon-to-be husband, she knew that she had finally found her place in the world. Her life wasn’t perfect. But she wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> More on my tumblr: https://kalliria.tumblr.com/


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